Monday, May 22, 2006

Inspiration

I watched the Oprah Legends Ball special tonight and spent an hour in tears. It was so moving. I looked at all those phenomenal women and just thought wow. To know that almost anything is possible when you just keep at it and stay true to your convictions. As I continue on this endeavor of dream building I often get tired; at times I feel discouraged and even think about giving up but things like what I saw tonight give me the inspiration to keep on keeping on.

I called up one of friends from college to remind her to watch the event and she commented that it made her feel bad because she should be doing more with her life. Her statement made me feel sorry for her because it means she is living small and she knows it. She is Doctor, married, with a child on the way, but she is not happy. What are we really sacrificing when we play it safe?

When I pledged my sorority the linename I was given means "the essence of life" it was given b/c my special big sister sensed that although I was in the midst of a difficult time (mourning the loss of my mother) I still maintained a sense of happiness.
At my worst, when I feel like nothing is going right and that I will never get over this hump, I still have the essence of Joy within me.

This weekend my car, very old car, broke down at 3am. I live in Detroit and my neighbor is not the safest, but I didn't stress. Instead I looked at it from the perspective that I was not stranded on the freeway, I was less that a mile from home, and that my sister conveniently lives in my building. I was home within 15 minutes and the following day all of the commitments I thought I was going to miss, resolved themselves.

We do not always experience life the way we want it. I would never wish that my car would break down or that all the students for my class would decide not to show up, but, I'll be damned if everything didn't turnout okay. Even when I was stressing b/c I didn't have the cash to pay for a major repair, it turns out that due to their previous error the repair shop fixed it for free.

I had a great meeting today that I was forced to take on the phone b/c I didn't have a car that has resulted in a great new business relationship an things are looking good.

Being able to maintain a positive outlook and stay focuses despite the obstacles that present themselves and believing that I will be in the position to have a legends ball type of event someday is how I show my faith. I have lost sight time to time of my blessings but things like tonight when I can look at these accomplished women and know that one day I too will be a legend, keeps me going and I look forward to the day I cross over into being legendary!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Love?

I just left a meeting with a new business partner, and after business we got a little personal. She shared with me how she has found the "love of her life." I am really happy for her, but it just makes me think about this whole love thing. I really used to believe I would find love, or that it would find me, but at this point I just don't know. Maybe I am unrealistic, like some of my friends say, but if the "reality" is having a relationship like most of the ones I see out here, I'll stay single.

I would really like to meet someone who is happy with their partner. Someone who feels fulfilled and cherishes. Someone who is getting their needs met and is happy that they took the plunge. Instead I see resignation and acceptance. This sense of there is no other choice. I haven't settled for anything in mylife, but maybe it's the only option.

I swear I found love before, but it didn't prevail. Instead reason and responsibility seemed to be the order of business. I suppose I should keep the fast, but right about now, it's just depressing.