No Call, No Show

Here's the scenario: We have plans to go out. We set them 2 days ago. We talk at noon and plan to meet @ 3p, he never shows. 2 weeks, no call, no communication. I ask the question "Why?" He says, "Something came up and he knew I would be upset, plus he wasn't sure if I was feeling him." I say, "It doesn't matter, if you couldn't make it you should have called, and if something came up, when things settled down you should have called to apologize and explain." He apologizes and asks for a second chance.

I think no way, some people say make him pay, others say walk away, what do you think? I've been told I'm too hard on men, but I really think that a "no call no show" is a deal-breaker. I get that life happens and things can come up that may prevent you from canceling plans beforehand, but to not show up and then not call afterwards to say "I apologize for wasting your time, here is what happened, and how can I make it up to you," shows untrustworthiness, inconsideration, disrespect, or cowardice, all of which are major character flaws that are unacceptable in a partner. The men I ask all say I should give him another chance, and the women say, please, he's a sucker, walk away now b/c he just showed you what he's all about.

I wanna know what some other's think. If we all know that a "no call, no show" is one of the worst infractions you can commit at a job (it can even get you fired if you don't have a good enough explanation), why should it be different in our interpersonal relationships? Am I really wrong to think that if he'd do this this early on in the "getting to know you" phase of a potential relationship, that it is more than likely to happen in the future once things have gotten "comfortable"? What would be the logic in giving him another chance? Please understand that the upset-ness is not so much around the "no show," but around the "no call." I truly think that giving him another chance is saying, "It's okay to waste my time and treat me with no regard."

Gentlemen, honestly, what would you think of the woman who would still go out with you after you stood her up? Doesn't that reek of desperation? Doesn't it seem like she'll go for anything? Wouldn't you be tempted to see what else you could get away with? Maybe I'm off base. I really don't think so, but I am open to seeing this scenario from a perspective.

Talk to me!

Fog

1/14/08

The sadness just sort of slips in. Slowly stealthily like a fog. I just look up and it's upon me and I don't know how to shake it. I just want to wrap up and stay there until it goes away, but I have things to do and people I am accountable to, so I put one foot in front of the other and keep trudging along.

What set it off was the realization that I have to cut some people loose and make some really tough decisions. It hit me at once and I just am not excited about it. The talk, the conversations, the reality of it all hit me as I walked in and has settled on me like wet blanket.

It's always the same and I want something different. I want enthusiasm and harmony. I want clarity and synergy. I want us all to work together towards one goal. It seems like what I want doesn't matter, and I don't like it one bit.

2/13/08

But what's the point in complaining? I get tired of hearing my own shit, so why would I expect someone else to listen? Today I have the pre-valentines blues. It came on me all of a sudden just like last month, and no it has nothing to do with my cycle thank you very much!

Today was an excellent day. I hadn't been nor have I been lamenting my single status. Most of the time it's just whatever, but two things happened. After a long day of doing a job I am loving, and taking care of some business, I decided to go out to dinner rather than cook. As I sat in the restaurant, it hit me, I am alone. I don't have anyone I want to call to eat dinner with me. Now don't misunderstand, I have options, but choose not to exercise them. I don't want a warm body, I want passion and romance. I want to feel something other than gratefulness that I am not dining alone.

Then I got in the car to head home and turned on the radio ( I never usually listen to the radio) but this lady was on crying about how much she loved her boyfriend and how he didn't trust her. The DJ was allowing her to dedicate a song. They played Sade "By My Side." I swear I was transported back to the concert that I went to with one of the most fantastic guys I have ever dated. I remember how excited I was when he told me he had tickets. It was one of our first dates! India Arie opened and the show was excellent. I called him when I got in (we're still in touch) and it was nice to hear his voice.

I shared with him my memory and he clowned me b/c I recently chastised him for the same thing. We know our time has passed, but as we both sit in the present, unsatisfied with what is, we sometimes reflect on what was ,and think about what could have been. He told me before I moved away that the song "Rocket Love" by Stevie Wonder makes him think of me. When I checked out the lyrics I was shocked. Our break-up wasn't dramatic, but I hate to hear I made someone feel that way. I was young and didn't know how to express my feelings. Then I thought of another fellow who views me in that same light. I would not change anything about how things went down with the guy from tonight's conversation, but with the other I would do almost anything to go back and fix things. He was my last true Valentine and I love and miss him.

While our time has passed too, as I sit here lonely dreading tomorrow, I wonder if I have missed my chance at a deep passionate enduring love. How many chances do you get? I have grown sooo much from those days of fear and uncertainty, but now it seems next to impossible to find someone who ignites any type of excitement in my heart. Was it the fact that we were young? I feel like I still have it in me, but everyone I meet seems so "dead." I am yearning for a kindred spirit who is ready to go out and take on the world without holding back. A man with a vision and the drive to go for it. A man of action, taking steps right now to create the life he wants. A man who will cherish, adore, respect, and appreciate me. Where are they?

Working 9 to 5

Haven't done this in a minute. There's been a lot going on. Since my last post, I've gotten a job, started the job, and considered quitting the job! A lot in a little over a month right? I was offered a position December 11, 2007 with a non-profit in Chicago. I get to work on behalf of youth and I love it! The job falls perfectly in line with the purpose I have chosen for my life, but the challenge of being back in the workforce is present as well.

I told myself I always had options, but what I found in the past 2 years is that there are things I am simply not willing to do again. Having been down that road, I have no desire to return, so now what? This is my first time since college working for a major corporation. I was having flashbacks of my time as an engineering intern and General Motors and wanted to run screaming from the building. The thought of a life of cubicles, water cooler gossip, and all the bullshit that goes along with a JOB got me scared. Then I remembered why I wanted a job in the first place. I missed being with people. I wanted steady income so I could get move forward on some of my other goals like real estate investing and traveling the world.

Yes I have some very real reasons for going back into the workforce and more specifically for working in the youth-focused non-profit sector. I am learning for my next big thing! So despite the fact that I was livid about having to go to work everyday last week when I felt like hell, and being angry that I spent all day today in bed trying to finish recovering, I am still happy about my new life as an employee. Mostly because I get my first check Tuesday.