KNOW YOUR ROLE, the discussion

Original Post know-your-role.html

Post 2 know-your-role-2.html

Original Post Comments
Hmm, I hear it, and I agree with it, but what I find hard to believe is that is really hard to find a "virtuous" woman. Instead I would say that most of these sistahs are single and sad because they cannot compete with the "others."

When you are nice to a most men (and perhaps what i am about to say is true b/c we have a whole lotta males and very few men running around), they lose interest. When I say nice I am alluding to all that you listed above. When you are supportive, encouraging, nurturing, and treat your man like a King, you do not get the same in return.

It is my humble opinion that as a community we have deep psychological issues. We have a problem with being treated well. Amongst my friend circle, our number one complaint is that in order to have a man treat us well, we have to be BITCH. I bet if you did a poll of the number of women who follow the above reccomendations you would find that they are taken for granted, and deeply unhappy in their relationships. Until our men start to appreciate a "virtuous" woman, what is the point in being one?

Being treated like a Queen has nothing to do with your man buying you expensive items, it has to do with him cherishing, supporting, respecting, and valuing you. Unfortunately since most do not seem to understand that your "virtuous" women stay single or in unhappy relationships while all the gold-digging, attitudinal, sapphires make out like bandits.

Until men stop being selfish and/or make a decision to deal with all the self-esteem issues that make them run to the harpies, the black family will never recover. While many black women have sought out therapy and/or done lots of personal development work to deal with our personal issues, most of our man have not and refuse to even acknowledge that their issues exist. They don't see that everything from the images in the music & media to our unique history of slavery in this country have cause many of them to view black women in a negative light. They don't understand that always seeing black men portrayed as criminals and deadbeats has screwed with their own self-image and colors their actions. If you ask most black men they still cannot appreciate black women with natural hair unless it happens to be wavy and/or straight. Men complain about the independent black women, and don't appreciate that if it wasn't for her we never would have survived slavery, Jim Crow and now George Bush. No its not all men, but it is a whole lot.

I agree that a woman should be "virtuous" but I'll be damned if she should throw it away on a loser. Stop taking up with these evil women who tend to trade sex or stuff and do the work to be in a real relationship with a woman who not only respects you, but also respects herself!


Part II Comments

I don't think any one definition of a "role" is accurate b/c we are all different. Each woman and each man have their own set of relationship needs. The key is being aware of them, and then being able to find someone who is giving what you need.


The things is, many of don't know what what we need or want, nor do we understand what we have to give in a relationship. Some women want to stay home and be a full-time care-giver. Some men want a dynamic woman who can stand next to him as they move forward as a power couple to take over the world. Some people are homebodies, while others want to run the street together having adventures and living on the edge. Its all good, but you have to find the right fit. Instead of trying to pre-define roles for one another lets find our own strenghts and weaknesses and then seek out our true complement.

The perfect couple to me would work like a well oiled machine. Filling in for each others deficiencies. Switching back and forth with the dominant/submissiveness and all. Holding each other down regardless. Truly having each other's back. The man protects and provides. The woman nutures and supports. Or vice versa.

Essentially it's give and take people. - Teej

I love what you wrote here b/c it acknowledges that nothing is permanent. It says we should go with the flow and do whatever works.

I commented on the original post and I stand by the assertion that until we as a community deal with our psychological issues are relationships will continue to be screwed up.

As for the bigger picture, this debate about the role of men and women has been raging for centuries. There is no one solution, you just have to be the person God created you to be and see what happens next.