What IF?

What he really was the one? Why and I thinking about this? I'm not quite sure. Every other night there's a dream. When I'm trying to work its in my thoughts. What am I supposed to do? Usually Iknow what its about, there is someone or something making me think back, but I'm not sure right now. There's nothing I can do about it now. He's not here, he's not available to me. Hell I don't even know if he thinks about me from time to time. Well I am sure he does, how can he now, I am me and all, lol. I know that sounds really pompous, but I'm just being honest here. You don't find one like me everyday, but who says you want to?

I am honestly convinced of my fabulousness, but I also know that what I like best about me, may or may not be what he likes. Regardless whether its superficial beauty or based on intellect, ambition, and integrity I'm really the total package, so why aren't we together you ask? To put it bluntly, I fucked up.

So what, I was young and didn't really realize what I had. I broke his heart and he has never been able to forgive me, or so he says. So he runs around with hoochies and randoms never really giving himself a challenge, but never really opening his heart either.

So I find out he's in a new relationship and has a child. Damn I can't believe it. What to do. Nothing I guess, its over, but why is he on my mind? I feel like I've been here before and I chose to walk away. I still regret it, but this is different. This sucks what if he is the one? What if the universe is telling me to act now before its too late. What if I'm just panicking b/c I feel so lonely and misunderstood? What am I supposed to do? Why is it soo damn hard? I swear I am the total package, so why I am alone?

Work it like you're working the Pole!

Okay so I teach Exotic Dance Classes and I love it. If you knew me 10 years ago there is no way you would believe I'd be doing this. At that time I was finishing undergrad about to get my Engineering Degree wondering what on earth my life was going to be like.

LOL, I still can't belive I'm doing this sometimes, but I swear its a blast! I have always loved dancing, but never really got intouch with my naughty side. She's always been there,but never in a million years did I think I would put her on display for the world to see.

Anyhow, when I decided to start this business, I had little intention of actually teaching classes. I saw myself running things behind the scene and having "other" people doing the teaching. I couldn't see myself working the pole, chair, and doing sexy striptease in front of people.

When I learned my first routine I could barely work my hips and look at myself in the mirror, but nowadays, I can barely pull my eyes away from myself to watch my students & make sure they're getting it right.

I knew this would be a good business, I have a great sense about what's hot, but this is sooo much more than a money maker! I can personally attest to how empowering learning Exotic Dance can be.

I knew I was good looking, and I felt I had all the attributes to be sexy, but I didn't feel totally confident. Its actually scary just how powerful the Vixen persona can be. If you haven't tried Exotic Dance for fun or fitness yet, you need to find a class! If you're in Detroit, of course I want to you drop-in the E-Fitness studio, but if you're not, FIND A CLASS NEAR YOU!
I love Exotic Dancing and can't imagine my life without it now! I work it baby and look great doing it too!

--> Jaguar Rain
founder, E-Fitness home of Exoticise!
www.exoticise.net

Friends

I've got this friend, we'll call her "Belle"
Known her for years, longer than I'll tell

She's always been special, its part of her charm
We'd laugh at her antics, but were never alarmed

At our last reunion, the vibe was new
She was being extreme, acting a fool

I reached my limit, and we fell out
I wasn't wrong, she should watch her mouth

I love my friend, but she worries me so
Makes unwise choices, picks the wrong road

Do I call to say something, put things right
Say that I'm sorry, we even had the fight?

When is enough enough, where is the line
Do I call her on the bullshit, is it finally time?

Will serve any good, what will it change?
she's a grown woman, even if she's insane.

I know I've changed, my patience is short
I don't have time for foolishness, of any sort

I'm not petty or bougie, ghetto or wild
I'm very down to earth, but have my own style

We all have to grow up, and take charge of our lives
Don't blame mommy or daddy, our husbands or wives

Make a move, take a chance, develop a plan
If you don't do a thing, you'll remain where you stand

Relationships run their course, maybe this is done
Perhaps its a brief parting, or setting of the sun

Only time will tell, I'll let the spirit be my guide
Should I let it all out, or keep it inside?

I hope we can recover, its been a good run
Good friends are hard to find, I don't want to lose one.

Nerve-wrecking Tranquility

Just got back from a great little ski getaway with friends. Its been a couple of years since I pulled out my boots & blades but it all came back after a few test runs. The thing about skiing is that there are very clear levels of difficulty and this time out I decided to push myself and stepped up to the intermediate (blue) level. Now I should add the last time I went there and hit a blue, it resulted in me in tears at the top of the mountian wondering how on earth I was gonna get back to base without kiling myself. I literally sat down on the ground in the snow and cried. My crew was very supportive, but noone was gonna get me down but myself. In the end my patented "ski ski fall" technique won out and I made it down safely. I'm pretty sure I spent the rest of the weekend on the greens and had a good time.


So this, the year of Afo Diva Warrior Princess, I vowed to conquer the blues and officially graduate this trip out. While the snow wasn't bountiful, there were a few runs open and as I made my way to the top of tranquility I started getting nervous. I was on the lift with two of my boys and I just didn't want to be a punk, but as we went higher and higher, my stomach started getting a little queasy.

We decided to do "Tranquility." All of a sudden I was back to two years ago and was frozen at the top of slope. Its a kinda steep so you really can't see the bottom and I was starting to panic. I thought "Girl, if you can quit your job, open a business, an actually make money, you can do this thing. Just take it one step at a time." My buddy Rapture went first, I followed and damn if there weren't moguls (little mini-mounds of snow spaced out) at the top of the run. I was like "Oh HELL NO." but it was too late, I was already on my way. I just chanted to myself "Stay loose, you got it, nice and easy." I made it through with no real mishaps! I reached the first plateau, met up with Rapture and T-Bone and we congratulated each other on making it!

On the next challenge! I'll be honest, it got a little shaky from time to time. I almost fell, but recovered nicely with my great "Afro Diva Warrior Princess" mantra and lots of words of encouragement to melf. When you take on harder runs, it just gets steep and you can't see very far. I truly hate it when I can't see what's next, but that's like life. You don't stop moving forward just b/c you don't know what's next. If you've done the hard work and have the skills to succeed, have faith that you can do it. So at the next phase of the run, when it seemed to just drop down and couldn't see the terrain, I just said, let' s take it one piece at a time. I stopped trying to anticipate what came next and I made it down not once but TWICE w/o out falling. Yeah I was shaking, yes my stomach was in knots, yes I was sweating bullets even in freezing cold, but I did it!

I went back out the next day b/f leaving to try it again. There was a snowstorm over night and the terrain was different. It was the same hill, but different. This time I had to put on my goggles b/c the snow would get in my eyes and with the yellow tint I couldn't see the ground with as much precision as before. I made it down, but not before I fell a few times (really a lot, I had snow EVERYWHERE). There were a lot more hills and no tracks to follow b/c it was first thing in the morning. Here's the thing, each time I fell I just got back up and kept going. Remember, I patented the "ski ski fall" years ago. It doesn't matter if you fall down when trying something new, just keep getting back up and trying. I don't know who decided to name that run "Tranquility" but it really gave me the business. I will conquer it, as well as snowboarding and black diamonds before its all done. I have had many "failures," I hesitate to call them that b/c its all a matter of perspective. I have done a lot of things and although they may turned out differently than I expected, its all been worth it. I just keep getting up and moving forward. I hope I never change.

I am Afro Diva Warrior Princess and nothing will stop me!

Every Girl Needs a Daddy!

AfroerotiK: Who's Your Daddy?


As I get older and wiser I see how much of a blessing it was to have a Daddy. A real Daddy, a shonuff take you sledding, to the thanksgiving parade, teach you to change a tire/oil/brake pads, always bring you a gift on Valentines/Sweetest/Birthday, pick you up from Nursery School, even a a grown-ass woman always have your back, Daddy. I used to think everyone got it, and I finally understand that the sad fact is that the majority of Black folks didn't have it. This does explain why its so hard for me to find a man to treat me like a queen b/c most of them never saw their Dad treat their Mom that way. I get how these guys just walk away from their kids, b/c their Father's dipped on them. I see why soooo many of my sistahs let me treat them like crap, b/c they have never been the apple of their Daddy's eye and don't know to expect/demand more.

On the flip side, I guess I'm spoiled b/c I can't settle for anything less. No I don't need a man to buy me expensive stuff and "take care" of me financially, but he does have to dote on me, take me dancing, remember the "special" days and generally worship the ground I walk on. The really good thing for him is that I am willing and really want to do the same if not more in return.

My Daddy was so fabulous that when my Mom got sick w/ MS and b/c an invalid he stuck by her side and cared for her until we were forced to put her in a nursing home. To this day he gets tears in his eyes thinking about his true love.

I need man to love me that way and treat my children with the kind of love I have received. I can't have it any other way, but damn if I'm not have a tough time finding the man who will step up.