What IF?

What he really was the one? Why and I thinking about this? I'm not quite sure. Every other night there's a dream. When I'm trying to work its in my thoughts. What am I supposed to do? Usually Iknow what its about, there is someone or something making me think back, but I'm not sure right now. There's nothing I can do about it now. He's not here, he's not available to me. Hell I don't even know if he thinks about me from time to time. Well I am sure he does, how can he now, I am me and all, lol. I know that sounds really pompous, but I'm just being honest here. You don't find one like me everyday, but who says you want to?

I am honestly convinced of my fabulousness, but I also know that what I like best about me, may or may not be what he likes. Regardless whether its superficial beauty or based on intellect, ambition, and integrity I'm really the total package, so why aren't we together you ask? To put it bluntly, I fucked up.

So what, I was young and didn't really realize what I had. I broke his heart and he has never been able to forgive me, or so he says. So he runs around with hoochies and randoms never really giving himself a challenge, but never really opening his heart either.

So I find out he's in a new relationship and has a child. Damn I can't believe it. What to do. Nothing I guess, its over, but why is he on my mind? I feel like I've been here before and I chose to walk away. I still regret it, but this is different. This sucks what if he is the one? What if the universe is telling me to act now before its too late. What if I'm just panicking b/c I feel so lonely and misunderstood? What am I supposed to do? Why is it soo damn hard? I swear I am the total package, so why I am alone?