I've got issues

This was me last night at about 2am

"I am an angry black woman just looking for a reason to kick some ass. Everytime I think about the state of the world there is soo much rage inside I can barely control it. I am scared to speak my mind b/c I really might hurt a lot of people with my thoughts. So I sent day after day, night after night with all of it inside. It used to help to write it out, but right now I would like a very public platform to speak it one so that something would actually change. If I had a motorcycle I would go for a ride. If I did drugs I would get high. If I was an alcoholic I would be drunk. I guess this is how it starts. People have their vices to help them escape this type of feeling. I don't have one unless you call grabbing a trashy novel and losing myself in the story a vice.

This anger stems from a feeling of powerlessness to determine what happens next. I never would have seen myself her 1o years ago. I was confused yes, but still sure that by now I would have something together. Instead I am still "about" to do the damn thing. None of this is helping, but if I can't get focused I am going to mess everything up and then where will I be? I really need some help and I just don't know where to get it. Still in need of a vacation, but I just don't see it happening. On the other hand, if I don't get away will there be anything left standing for me to build upon?

Too many things to do, too many poeple to answer too, not enough energy to do it all. I am going to bed. Maybe it will look better in the sunshine."

Things did look better when I woke up today, but jeez yesterday was crazy. Things are looking up, but sometimes I just don't know if I am going to make it.