Howling in the theatre

I took a little trip to the movies tonight and saw "Daddy's Little Girls." I strongly suggest every single professional black woman go see this and be prepared to laugh until you cry. I swear it was hilarious on so many levels. Now I don't want to spoil it for anyone (so stop reading if you haven't seen it), but I felt like someone was sitting in on my many many many conversations with my girls and decided to write a movie.

My favorite comment had to be when the G Union character "Julia" was on the phone with her girls lamenting the randomness of men. She was like "If I see another man over the age of 30 in a throwback jersey, i'm going to scream." I swear my girls and I have had many a conversation about this very topic.

Then the famous date scene with the cat in the shiny blue suit with the wack game, had me rolling as well. I swear I have been on that date. You are just like "NO this can't be happening to me. No one can be this ridiculous!"

For real though, I don't think I'm as uptight as this character (but who knows how others see me) but (okay side bar, is this movie "Black Snake Moan" with Christina Ricci and Samuel Jackson for real? WHATEVER) but I truly identified with her. I don't know if I could have gotten past the three kids, Baby Mama Drama, and other "surprises" to see the good man there, but I will say to all my 6-figure earning, ultra-educated, yet single and no prospect having amigas, KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

The movie is funny, laugh out loud in the theatre, stomp your feet, and have tears rolling down your face funny, especially if you don't mind laughing at yourself a little bit.

(Okay and why is this "College Hill" mess on BET so random? Maybe I'm getting old, but I can't take the Real World anymore.)

Chippendales Failed :-(

Okay, but really. I was all excited (well maybe not excited, but eagerly anticipating, but I guess that's the definition of excited right? whatever) about going to see the men of Chippendale's at Casino Windsor for Valentine's Day. Now I didn't have a Valentine's so I thought this would be fun.

For the record I am not a big fan of male dancers/strippers. Yes I know I teach Exotic Dance, but in my limited experience there is just not enough sensuality or showmanship to make me really get into it. I did think however that b/c Chippendales is world renown that I was going to be in for a real treat.

WRONG!!

I will give them this, they looked good. Damn Good! I mean there were abs, pec, and biceps for days. But first of all there were no chocolate honey's. I am an equal opportunity woman, but I do have special love for the brothas and there was not a one on the team.

Secondly, this must have been the B or maybe even C squad b/c the dancing was a little shady. It was choppy, lacked flow and there was almost no sychronicity (is that even a word?).

Then, the music was WACK!! Everything was this superfast techno bull shit with little to know bass. If you are trying to get women hot, you don't just start out at turbo speed and stay there. An Exotic Dance should be like sex. You need to start out slow and sensual and then build up to the climax. Jeez you can't just start out banging (well I guess a lot of men do and that's why there are soooo many unhappy women).

Finally, the MC was a little to vulgar. Maybe its the midwest girl in me, but he just was not hyping me up.

I needed to see more ass, more sensual dancing, and hear some better music. I didn't have to be R&B, I like a lot of Pop & Rock, but all techno? Come on.

Chippendale's didn't deliver totallly on my Valentine's wish, but it didn't cost me anything and I did see some good-looking men, something we are sorely lacking in the "D". Then of course I had a great meal, Casino food ROCKS!!

Sheesh its V-Day

So it is weird that for once I am not sad about not having a Valentine? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind one, but there is no funky feeling of being left out b/c no one is bringing me flowers, jewelry, chocolate, or a video game (the one gift I always wanted, but never got). I think my work could a have a bit of a bad influence on me as it relates to relationships.

I have all these fabulous women coming to my classes wanting to learn Exotic Dance, but I am really surprised by some of the reasons. When I first started this, I marketed it as empowering and transformative. I got some reaction, but it always seemed to come back to "I need to make my man happy" or some variant thereof. They don't care about the health benefits. They don't care about loving their bodies and really enjoying being sensual. Its all about trying to catch or keep a man.

On the other hand there are constant complaints about how they are not happy in the relationship. He doesn't do this, he doesn't do that. I need to get away from him & the kids, yet at the same time you're doing this for him?

I don't get it. Many people find it hard to believe that I don't dance for any man/men. I get asked by men & women alike, what's the point, if there is no one to appreciate it? Its funny b/c dancing has always been about ME!!

I love the feeling of freedom and exhilaration I feel when I'm really feeling the music. I love Exotic Dance b/c it just releases such positive energy in me that I spontaneous break out into movement when a fabulous song comes on. I often dance by myself in the middle of the floor with no one else around, just so I have a lot of space to express myself. To be really honest I don't really like a dance partner, unless we're partner dancing. I'm all about the Ballroom, Step, & Bop, but when I'm free styling unless I'm really feeling you, FALL BACK, please b/c you're messing up my groove.

So this valentine's I'm heading to see the Chippendale Male Revenue. They are performing in Canada and my sister suggested we check it out. I have only seen male dancers a couple of times and I have yet to be impressed or aroused, but seeing as they are world renown, perhaps these guys will do it.

But back to the original topic. It really seems like having a valentine, just isn't what it used to be. Half of my ladies say their honey (husband, boyfriend, whatever) hasn't even planned anything special. I don't want to say that romance is dead, but come on fellas. Can a girl get one day?

Some people wonder why I'm still holding out for knock you off your feet, deep soulful connection, intellectually & spiritually compatible love, but I can't see its worth settling for anything else right now.

If I'm still single at 35, 40 or beyond perhaps I'll consider it, but the way I look at it, if you settle now, you'll never have a chance for true happiness. (Unless of course you get a boyfriend on the side!).

Long-live Valentine's day, but I really celebrate true love!

Damn U Anthony!

So, I'm trying go to sleep and this song keeps running through my head. I hadn't thought about it in a couple of years and then he (my favorite internet playboy) decides to quote it in his latest post. It's Erykah Badu's "Orange Moon." It was "our song," no not me and my playboy, but me and, well I guess my "Sun." read the cause of this flash back

It was one of those relationships people just didn't get. He wasn't the best looking guy, didn't have much money, or half of the things that I have on my list of "wants," but most of what I had on my "needs" list. We used to talk for hours and hours about any and everything. He had dreams and a beautiful spirit that I adored. It's been at least four years, but really more like 16. I first met him in high school.

Down at the ethnic festival in downtown Detroit. My girls and I were hanging out and he was working a toe ring booth. Now I've never been really flirtatious or forward, but sometimes when you meet someone you just know. It was like that. I was super shy, just as fly as I wanted to be, but I had yet to come into my full AfroDiva-ness so I didn't what to do.


Couple of years later, after graduation, I got my first "real" job working at the movie theatre at the mall. I worked the concession stand and guess who worked in "Oak Tree" (lol yeah if you remember Oak Tree, Coda, and Merry Go Round you're pushing 30 or higher, but it's all good).
I knew I was a little cute then and used to get my flirt on! We went to the movies and I wore my fly red tennis skirt and everything. I never heard from him. Strange b/c I just knew he was feeling me.

Fast forward to 2002-2003 . I had graduated from undergrad, enrolled in B-School, managing a bar downtown and heavy into my Event Planning business. I threw a party called "Caribbean Nights" just prior to a trip to Toronto, Canada for the Caribana festival in August. It was hot, and just as the DJ put on a little Jamiroquai, per my request, and I was getting my dance on, guess who slides up next to me on the dance floor?! It was on! We grooved through Jamiroquai, Micheal Jackson, Jill Scott, Al Green, and Marvin Gaye. We were inseparable after that!

That night we had one of those great spur of the moment dates. He waited for me to close up and we went to breakfast at an all-night diner. From there a walk along the riverfront with great conversation and powerful vibes. We ended the night watching the Sunrise as we sat next to the water, trying to figure out why he kept letting me pass him by all those years ago. (sigh)

I can honestly say this was one of the best relationships of my life. Now my man was a little cash poor. He had a daughter to support and although at the time I swore I would never date a man with kids I made and exception for him. It never has been and never will be about the money. I just don't do Baby Mama Drama. Hell I don't do drama period, its too stressful. She was cool though, caught up in her own relationship so life was good.

He was a thinker, a reader and a music lover. Just my type of guy. We traded CD's, debated on religion, life, politics and everything else. He was a bit stingy with the covers, but hey no one's perfect right? We both had previous plans to go the Erykah Badu concert, so we met there and I chilled with him on the lawn. That's when we decided that "Orange Moon" was our song. It just seemed to fit us so perfectly! Things were fabulous, I would get off work from the bar and he would have my bath waiting for me. We played video games together, and just had good times in general. It was easy & nice.

So what happened you say? Well life and foolishness happened. Now we had been dating for a little while, and I was considering having relations with him. It felt right, like it would be a true connection (Yeah TJ, relationship sex is always much much better than random hooking up). But before anything could happen we had to have the talk. I have always been very responsible so before we could move forward to being truly intimate we needed to get some things out in the air. I wasn't quite sure how to bring it up, but it turns out I didn't have to.

All of a sudden he started acting up. I mean he had a serious 'tude. I didn't know what the hell was up until one night in my apt sitting on the futon he turns to me as says "We need to talk" (Yeah those words NEVER mean anything good). He looks away and starts to share his story. Essentially it came down to this, he had an STD, one that was incurable and didn't feel comfortable taking things to the next level without sharing this information with me. While it is possible to catch and STD while having safe sex its much more likey for a woman to catch it from a man rather than vice versa, so I asked him if he got it before or after the birth of his daughter. He said after. I asked if he had been using protection and he said HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN CONDOMS!

WTF!!! I was like, "Didn't you learn your lesson after the first unwanted pregnancy? Here he was always complaining about how 25% of his gross income had to go towards child support and yet his actions were just begging for another "mistake" or worse. Oh he went on about how he regretted some of the choices he made, but stated that he "Is a Natural Man" thus could not use manufactured protection. At some point I couldn't take anymore and needless to say the mood was ruined. He went home alone that night and things were never the same again.

I couldn't see myself being intimate with someone with such little sense about something as serious as sexual transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. I had no intention of knowingly exposing myself to any disease and of course would require condom use regardless. We had reached and impasse and things just fizzled from there. Eventually we had to admit it wasn't working and we broke up right after my best friends wedding reception.

I was really angry for a long time. I just didn't seem fair to me, but I learned early on that life isn't fair (If it was, my mother would still be here right?). Years later we're still cool. I must say that I really respect and appreciate him for being upfront and honest with me. Of course he says sometimes he wishes he never said anything b/c what we had was so "real" but in the couldn't have done me like that. Needless to say he has another child now, maybe two more I'm not sure and the girl, UGHH. I'm not hating, he admits that she is not fabulous, and even called me hoping I could talk to her and help her get it together. Again I say WTF??!! First, there can never be another me, I am singular and no I am not going to coach your Baby Mama in the basic lessons of AfroDiva-ness.

I always have these fabulous connections with men only to have something random ruin it. Whether its and ex of 6 years coming back into the picture to accept the proposal she initially turned down, him feeling like b/c I have a degree from Duke, my own business, and a general fabulousness about me, him just being a random irresponsible idiot like Mr. Man in the above tale, or him having serious pyschological issues (read bi-polar and refusing to take his meds) I just can't seem to win. What is it? Is it something I'm doing? It's like there are two extremes total randomness or kismet with a bunch of issues.

I think of Mr. Basketball who started showing up at the bar wondering why he got married to the ex when we were so "connected." He liked to quote Erykah Badu's "Next Lifetime." Then there's Toronto who had me up on such a pedestal, he just didn't feel worthy of me until he could provide me with the kind of life I deserved. WTF?!! All I want is to be loved, cherished, respected, stimulated, and entertained. None of the above requires a fat bank account. Now he's got a new baby and a random Baby's Mama to go along with it.

WILL SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???? Okay now that I have it out of my head on posted for the world to see, perhaps I can get some sleep. Again I say damn you Anthony, I don't like thinking about this shit b/c there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT !At least that's how I feel, but maybe I'm wrong. Any thoughts?

R U Gay?

ROFLMAO

I must say I was shocked at the question. I mean I know I don't date a whole lot, but do people really think I'm GAY? Let me be fair and re-tell the entire story. I was at a SuperBowl get together, nothing formal just friends and family hanging out eating junk food and talking. I was talking to my friend's Dad and he blurts out "Do people ask you if you're gay?" I think the look on my face must have said a lot b/c he went on to say, "If I wore a naked man around my neck, I think people would take it as a declaration of my sexuality." I have to add that I have a silver charm of the the Afro Diva lady that I wear around my neck (she is the mudflap lady with an afro). I rock it b/c I think its hot, not b/c I like women sexually.

I explained to him that its different for women and that most of the time I get women asking me how they can get one ( I do sell them as a matter of fact!). So as the conversation went I on I talked about how I am planning on leaving Detroit b/c I want to move somewhere with a larger pool of eligible bachelors. I have accepted that if I am going to find a honey, I need to move to a city where there are more of the type of people I like to be around.

He then gave me a shocked looked and said "Are you really looking?" I am not the typical girl, never have been, and hopefully never will be. I have not made it my life's goal to find a man, get married and have children, but like anyone else I don't really want to spend my life alone or anything. Maybe I read to much into his comment and reactions, but as of late I have had many people question my sexuality, desire to have a family, or willingness to be a mother b/c of my choice to have my own business and just do my own thing vs do anything to get, have or keep a man.

Times are strange though, I have a girlfriend who is trying this lesbian thing after yet another dissapointing heterosexual relationship and have heard about more and more women "turning lesbian" b/c they are tired of men and their foolishness. I am not one of them. Yes I am frustrated with the dating scene and state of the black community, but its not enough to make me switch to the other team. No I don't date a lot and have a different man on my arm every few weeks but that's b/c I am very selective about who I spend my time with.

I don't know I just wish it was easier to just be yourself and not be so misunderstood. If I was gay, it would just be gay, whatever, but damn just b/c a beautiful woman is single, doesn't date a lot, is focused on business, and generally happy or at least not lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a man around does not make her gay. Just look at me the beautiful, talented, very single, yet heterosexual Afro Diva!

JEEZ!!

How to catch a man

I swear if I hear another story about a seemingly intelligent, educated, well-spoken black man becoming a reluctant Baby Daddy to some hoochie I am going to hurt someone. It seems though this is the only way to catch one of them though. I would like to hear more about loving relationships turing into marriages and planned families, but instead all I get is, OOPS.

From what I can tell the way to catch a man is to just get pregnant and hound him into a relationship based on guilt or some sense of responsibility. Or you can pretty much count on being alone and/or childless.

I know some many educated, sweet, attractive, women who would love to be married, take care of their husband & children and build a great life together, but can't find anyone to do that with. I bet though if they stopped demanding guys use protection, stopped trying to build a trusting mutual beneficial relationship, and got knocked up, they would snag a dude.

Sounds pretty Machiavellian right, but I just realized that, that's the game everyone else is playing. We've been trying to be nice and play by the rules and we're losing, big time. Here's the thing, you also open yourself up to disease and tons of other bull shit, but no system is perfect right?


Yeah, I can't even put this out here seriously, but I really am frustrated. It just doesn't seem to pay to be ambitious, self-respecting, and responsible.

GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS

GOOD NEWS: Its been rescinded as of Jan 18th
BAD NEWS: It ever existed in the first place

read the original article

OMG I can't believe this. How on earth in 2006 can black people really claim that braids and locks are "unprofessional" and or faddish. I would agree that all hair should be maintained neatly, but to say natural styles are "unprofessional" WTF??!!!

This thing with the Baltimore Police force takes it to another level.

Black people we can't continue to sell out our community and culture like this. Braids, cornrolls and locks are not FADs they have been part of our community for decades. True some people let their hair get a little fuzzy, but hell I've seen bad weaves, jacked up fades, and all other kinds of mess. Am I crazy or can anyone see how retarded this policy is?

Its funny I read this today b/c as I was dropping off a file to the printer I walked by an old job of mine. Tom's Oyster Bar in Downtown Detroit. Years ago I was hired there to bartend. I was wearing braids at the time, zillions to be exact and decided to take them out. As is my custom, I refuse to take time off work or spend hours and hours taking down my hair so I put on a gelee/headwrap throughout the process. Mind you I had worn this head wrap plenty of times to the job, but normally it was black. I also wear it wrapped such that there is a knot at the nape of my neck similar to a "bun." This is my version of what to do on a bad hair day b/c my natural hair will not be kept in a regular ponytail.

Anyhow this particular day I wore a white wrap and all hell broke loose. I went into the back office calmly explained that 1) I was not wearing a Hat and 2) I in was in the midst of taking out my braids and could not simply remove the wrap as my hair would be unsightly. I even went as far as to take it off and show my mgrs the state of my hair. (They were of course shocked and confused by this b/c they thought the braids were my "real" hair, roflmbao)

I then explained the amount of time it would take to finish removing the braids and requested the next day off so I could finish the job. They refused. I offered to only wear the black wrap seeing as I had worn it many times b/f without causing a stir and they also refused. I was told there was a "no hat' policy and while I pointed out agian that I was not wearing a "hat" I was told to go home and come back the next day without the wrap and with "presentable" hair.

"They" the white mgrs went as far as to bring in the black mgr "a man" and asked him if it was true that it would take me over 8 hours to remove the braids. He looked at me, looked at them and said "No."

I was soooooo angry and when I asked him about it he said he didn't want to get himself in trouble and therefore sold me out (TOM!!!). Needless to say I did not get the braids out in time to report to work the next day and seeing as I will not go out in public looking like some sort of retard I called in and explained. I was told not to report back to work and that my services would no longer be required.

Blatant case of cultural insensitivity and a sell-out brotha, but more than that shows how jacked up the world continues to be. I hope the concious people of Baltimore continue to protest this ridiculous policy.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: SOULFLOWER- DOWNLOADS FINALLY AVAILABLE!!!!
Date: Jan 31, 2007 4:08 AM


I just got this info tonight and had confirmed it with some of my folks in the political community, so I posted the info I was given. It was very hard for me to believe that an entire city would be forced to comply with this general order which states that you can no longer wear cornrows,braids,twists or dreadlocks in Baltimore. It made no sense to me. With further investigation I found that this order was not intended for the general public but rather for The Baltimore police force and from what I've been told, other city workers. It may not be as outrageous, but these laws and restraints have been known to start small and grow. This is still very much UNACCEPTABLE. The petition is closed but there are still city representatives that need to be addressed. Below I've posted two articles I've found. One from a Baltimore news station and another building on how they took an officer with dreadlocks off the street and put him behind a desk.

http://www.wbaltv.com/news/10470167/detail.html

http://www.thewbalchannel.com/news/10470167/detail.html