Kwanzaa is a made up holiday

"Kwanzaa is a made up holiday"

I hear it a lot, and its funny to me because all holidays are made up. Really think about it, someone decided to celebrate Easter, Christmas, Hannahka and everything else.
So just b/c the Black or African American culture evolved hundreds of years after other religions, or cultural groups, we are not allowed to makeup our own traditions?

Hmm instead of trying to find fault with a group of displaced, opressed, and generally mis-treated working to create a sense of unity, shared-traditions and cultural pride, why not support it?

Sometimes, the worst ones are the faith-based people who just can't seem to understand that all holidays are not about God. Look at Valentine's. I don't see any ministers trying to disuade people from buying chocolates flowers and gifts. Is just that this is a specific holiday created for black people that makes it so bad to them?

In my cursory study of various cultures, religous groups and cohesive communities, there is always at least a few shared traditions that serve to bring the group together. As black people share a variety of religions from Christianity to Islam to Buddism, we can't rely on religion to unify us.

Yes we need to be unified b/c although we may not act as a single group, when the world looks at us, they see us as one. Most of the time they don't distinguish you as a black christian, black muslim, black atheist, or black jew (yes they exist) they see you as black. We are treated as a group, yet do not function as one.

Kwanzaa may not be the perfect holiday (whatever that means) but I challenge you to find a real problem with it. It simply promotes community values that if we truly worked to embody would propell Black people foward leading to emplowerment and mass success!

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa according to the strict 7-day, plan but you can do something simple like getting your family and friends together at least one night throughout the week to acknowledge the positive aspects of the celebration.

FYI: The Nguzu Saba (Seven Principles of Kwanzaa) are:
more info @ The Official Kwanzaa Web Site>>

	Umoja (Unity) To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation and race.
	Kujichagulia (Self-Determination) To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.
	Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility) To build and maintain our community together and make our brother's and sister's problems our problems and to solve them together.
	Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics) To build and maintain our own stores, shops and other businesses and to profit from them together.
	Nia (Purpose) To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
	Kuumba (Creativity) To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
	Imani (Faith) To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle

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Christmas Just Ain't Christmas

It really hasn't been right for many years, but I think this the first time I gave in to the feeling. Or lack thereof.

1. I miss my mom
2. I miss Christmas with my entire family
3. I miss playing Christmas carols on the piano & singing along (yeah we really did that)
4. I miss wrapping presents in front of the fireplace
5. I miss picking out the tree with my dad & decorating it with my sister & mom
6. my extended family isn't close
7. my close family is fractured
8. my mom was the glue that held it together and its all fallen apart
9. I work hard to distract me from my sadness
10. I feel unloveable b/c I am too independent
11. I can't be needy
12. I am confused
13. I love my friends but hate my social life
    
14. When I slow down I start to feel lost
15. All I want for Christmas is peace of mind
16. Why are most men sooooo random?
17. When I was single, you weren't interested, now I'm not and you want to push up?
18. Again why are men SOOOOOO random?
19. I understand why mom wouldn't let us watch Good Times
20. It is funny though
21. I don't want to go visiting tomorrow (technically later today it is almost 6am)
    
22. I'll feel guilty if I don't
23. I have no gifts to give (pa rum pum pum pum)
24. No drum either
    
25. They say it doesn't matter, but I'm not okay with my financial situation
26. If I give up, I'll fee guilty, depressed, and like a punk
27. Its hard to stay focused
28. My guard to waaay up
29. My perspective is distorted
30. Maybe I should've have been a video girl when I had the chance
    
31. I don't want to explain my lifestyle anymore
32. It's hard to share your feelings
33. Why do the weirdos love me?
34. How can I fix it?
35. It seems to overwhelming?
36. Why is he being an ass?
37. Why do men love bitches?
38. Why is hard for me to be a bitch?
39. According to most of the world I am, but not when it counts apparently
40. He said Proposal 2 was good for us
41. I have to believe he was playing Devil's advocate
42. 2007 and beyond will be better
43. I can do it all, but I really don't want to
44. It's hard to find good people
45. Why are most people soooo random?
46. Our priorities are f*cked up
47. What's the point of being enlightened if everyone around you is still in the dark
48. I used to think I was crazy
49. Now I know I'm just "special"
50. I can't believe its been 12 years, when does it get better?
    

Settling Down

I don't even like the sound of it. I had a gentlemen send me a message about how he is ready to settle down now and doesn't do the club thing anymore. He's ready to find a wife and start a family. He also said he loves to dance. So I asked him, where he plans to do his dancing, if he isn't doing the club thing anymore (I must add that dancing is one of my FAVORITE past times)?

He wrote back

"Right. I don't do the club scenes meaning that I"m not a regular. IF I go out, it's every blue moon. Never every weekend or every other weekend. It's once every 3 or 4 months......

That's how I am. I'm not missing out on anything. I don't drink or smoke so what is there left to do but dance. I'm not going to close a club down. I did that in College...I have nothing to prove anymore. I turned it out in my day.....SMILE"

I hear what he's saying, but I guess I wish it wasn't either or. He's not alone, I know a lot of people who are saying (in their early 30s) "I'm past that phase in my life. Its time to settle down. I'm not trying to meet anyone, so why go out?"

I don't ever want to settle down. I don't ever settle in life and I don't plan to ever calm down. I agree that your lifestyle has to change a bit when you get older, but I can't image not going out and just being FREE! I have never ever gone out to "meet people" its always been to just have a good time, feel some different energy, and just let loose. I guess I look at my parents and see that even at 63, my dad is still going strong. No he's not out every night, but he knows how to have a good time. When my mom was alive, they would go hanging out with each other a couple other couples for some "grown folks fun." I guess this is what people nowadays call "date nights."

I always just assumed couples made time for one another, but as I got over I found that they let their children and jobs take precedent over one another. I saw my parents in love and that's what I want too. I don't want some man who has decided to settle, I want someone who is so taken with me that he can't see spending his life with anyone else.

I want someone to dance with me, go out and have a good time with me, and build an exciting fun prosperous future with me.

I DON'T EVER PLAN TO SETTLE DOWN!

29, 30, .....

I'm entering the 4th quarter of my 30th year and of course 2006 is coming to a rapid end. Like most I tend to do my share of reflection assessment and introspection. I have a friend who just hit 29 and as I read his blog and observe his being I am reminded of me at 29. LOL i now it sounds a bit pretentious as that was just a year ago, but I distinctly remember how I felt March of 2005 knowing that in 1 year I would hit another big milestone.

It wasn't dreadful.;I wasn't hating seeing my 20's come to an end; it was inspirational. I had become increasingly dissatisfied with my job. I wasn't seeing things happen and it seemed like no matter how hard I pushed things just weren't moving. So by the time my birthday rolled around I knew somethings had to change.

I took a little trip to visit a friend (much like the one a I took a couple of weeks ago, well not really as there was no "extra" stuff going on) but as usual for me a change in scenery really helps me find focus. I knew that there would be major changes and that some of the people I was aligned with would have to go unless they made some changes. I felt like that by March 16, 2006 things had to be REALLY REALLY different.

Well I did it. By May of '05 I'd quit my job, split from my partners, and moved into a new place. Essentially, I turned my life upside down, but it felt GREAT! As the big 30 loomed ever closer I was moved to kick things into higher gear and take on any and every project that could move me forward. My July my newest and current project was revealed to me and I took it on with great fervor.

When my birthday hit, I threw myself a great celebration. FLIRTY 30 was fabulous and I was great having friends family and associates gathered to wish me well. Things were really really different. I was self-employed, and living my dream (or was it a nightmare? still trying to figure it out). Things weren't perfect, but as I had to remind myself and others who have asked when are they? They weren't perfect when I had a "job" they weren't perfect when I worked for myself. Or maybe that's the way its supposed to be.

This year has been tumultuous and full of excitement. I have impressed myself, but I still find myself driven to do more. There are things I have hesitated on and areas where fear has stopped me, but still I persevere and I vow that by 31, I will have conquered a few more demons (maybe I'll actually trying dating again).

I am staying focused and will push through the pain, revel in the joy, and be content with the in between. I just told a friend not to let anyone talk you out of anything you really want to do. The last thing you want to do is have regrets. As of today I can honestly say I have had adventure, romance, heartbreak, and euphoria, and despair, but this has been and will continue to be a life worth living!

Life's Not Fair, What R U Gonna Due?

I hate to say it, but life sucks sometimes, checkout Afroerotik's post

Hmm I really feel you and as a matter of fact just had a similar conversation with friends earlier today. I'll be honest with you, positivity, integrity, and good works do not payoff quickly. You would think they do, but the world we live in is screwed up. You have choices you can make to get a quick result. There are people to sleep with, morals to compromise, and ways you can sell out to get there faster. The secret to success is MARKETING. Tell them what they want to hear. If you don't know what that is, find someone who does. I have a history of putting together a superior product and ending up with squat when my competitor produces crap and sells out. MARKETING MARKETING MARKETING. Its not fair and no one said it would be. Life makes no promises to us that things will work out well so don't expect it. Instead, think about this whatever is meant to be will be. You can only continue to stay focused and have faith.

Regarding relationships, keep in mind that those people in "relationships" are not neccessarily happy. Most people settle in life. You have decided to go for the gusto and try to live BIG, most people aren't on that same path. So by becoming a well developed individual you have make your pool of suitors very small. The upside is that when u find him/her/ whoever you will be pleased, but the downside is that it is hard to find them. Its a numbers game. It sucks and I feel your pain, but what are you going to do about it?

It may sound mean, but you just have to suck it up and keep on going. Think about making some small compromises until you have the power to do things exactly the way you want.

My Saviors!

So I am forever indebted to the inventor of EAR BAGS or EAR POPS whatever you want to call them. Of all the things I hate about cold weather, its cold ears. People have laughed b/c I will rock ear muffs in a minute. Yes I am a grown ass woman who will wear earmuffs religiously...until I found EAR BAGS last winter. I had the honor of going to a SuperBowl XL Media Party at the Fox Theater last January and on the way out they gave us these little red bags. Lo and behold inside are these little things that fit on your ears. They are insulated, but they POP into place and stay there! You can wear them under hats, they don't mess up your hair. No irritated band to get in the way or anything. They fit in the smallest cutest purse! THEY ARE FABULOUS!!! Now if you're not like me and don't mind cold sore ears or are fortunate enough to live in a warm climate, you won't get how great these are, but for me they are my saviors. When my sister saw me rocking them earlier this week during our first real cold snap she was so impressed she went and found them online. At only $7.50 a pair I think I'm going to get a few just in case I lose one.

Get yours at www.earpops.com

5 Year Plan

In five years I will be 34 years old. I will be in a long-term committed relationship. I will have started my HBCU endowment foundation to improve facilities at Historically Black colleges. I will be managing my successful business empire consisting of Entertainment, Media, Events and Real Estate divisions. I will have the ability to travel the world and continue to generate wealth for myself while on extended vacation. I will be preparing to start a family and have a house or residence on three (3) different continents. I will be fluent in Spanish and working on my third language (no ebonics doesn't count). I will have at least two (2) dream vehicles that are cool to drive & look at, but that are also fuel efficent and environmentally friendly. One of my homes (also environmently friendly) will be isolated near a body of water for when I want to get away from it all and relax. - declared April 1, 2005

April 1 - 3, 2005 I took a 3-Day Real Estate Investment Seminar. This was approximately 1 month before I quit my job and decided to strike out on my own. The plan was to use the Real Estate to supplement my income while I built my Event Planning business. I got scared. FEAR is a muthaf*cker, and can really destroy your life if you let it stop you. Anyhoo, a year and a half later, I am ready to do this, so I pulled out my notes (I keep everything and take copious notes) to review and I found my "5 Year Plan" it was an exercise they had us do in the seminar to help us focus and figure out why we're doing this. My plan hasn't changed much, and I am on track! Its good to put it out here like this because I want to be held accountable to myself. So I officially give anyone who reads this the right to check me and call me out if I start losing focus.

If you don't have a 5-year plan I reccomend you you get one ASAP!

2 fly 4 u

2 Fly  4 U

can't believe i ever wondered
thought my sh*t wasn't tight
thinking i had it wrong
when its so hella tight

u cant go looking for kings
in a pit full of fools
when u shine this bright
he'll always find you

when i was a young chick
i knew i was bad
never had a doubt
what i wanted i grabbed

messing around with clowns
will f*ck up your head
question your divinity
find yourself mislead

moved passed the fear
dried up the tears
cleared out the haters
keep my luved ones near

get ur shit and get out
if its left its destroyed
the bomb b*tch is back
and killing silly boys

thought i was unsure
for u anything id do
u thought wrong busta
im 2 fly 4 u

real grown and sexy
not playing ur game
handling business
can't just maintain

u wanna play small
can't understand what i do
f*ck that just getting by
im 2 fly 4 u

can't see out those green eyes huh
wish you could elevate
im 2 fly 4 u son
u need a b*tch a** mate

i need a hustla on my team
working side by side
taking shit over
who gets "ride or die"

im 2 fly 4 u boy
i need me a man
who can handle a diva
working his plan

silly little fool
thought u had me beat
im like the phoenix b*tch
i rise from the heat

don't be scared baby
i wont hurt u
this aint about revenge
im just 2 fly 4 u

yeah im a b*tch
2 those who dont know
not on my team
ur a** gotta go

come all gather round
to hear the good news
the queen has proclaimed
im 2 fly for u

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Because sometimes I forget

Hmm, this didn't happen to me, but damn if it hasn't jolted my crazy behind back into reality. A friend of mine just lost someone close to him and while my heart went out to him, her, and her family it wasn't until last night that it really hit me.

My mother died January 20, 1995. I was a sophmore in college when my bestfriend/roommate answered the call from my sister at home. Then much like now, it took me a moment to process things and deal with it. I'm pretty good in a crisis for this reason, but when it hits me, it hits hard. My mother had struggled for years with Multiple Sclerosis, and while her death wasn't unexpected, it didn't hurt any less. Although many people would find it hard to believe b/c I am told I come off as a real tough cookie, I am extremely sensitive. I have to work hard to protect my feelings b/c otherwise I spend my life being hurt, sad and distraught. With that said just hear about losing someone close brings up memories and emotions.

As for me, when I was driving home from my Dad's house last night I got into car accident. It wasn't bad, I'm fine (although the Jeep has looked better), but only by the grace of god. I have been feeling uninspired and eventhough my recent retreat helped put a little pep in my step, things were still a bit off. While I intellectually understood my friend's loss, I distanced myself emotionally b/c I didn't want to go into an "I miss my Mother, why did she have to die?" cycle of sadness. The thing is, its not about that. Its about life and the lessons I got from her before she died and those I continue to get now. So I'm thinking the universe decided to send me a little stronger message, and literally knock some sense into me :-).

So this morning after moving past my anger of getting into the accident I decided to look for the lesson. What I got is that you just never know what is going to happen so don't take anything for granted. That accident really could have been a lot worse, so that little encounter just reminded me that we don't know how long we have so don't waste a lot of time on bullshit. You have the choice to make each day and your life something special or just let time pass you by.

That got me thinking about TJ's Bravebird so I took a moment to read some of the posts from this young lady and found out she had a little girl. Then that just made me cry b/c it reminded me of all the lonliness I feel without my Mom being here and made me sad for her little one. Then as I read her sister's farewell post, my heart was encouraged b/c I know she (the little sister) won't let that little cutie want for anything, so she'll be alright. I didn't know this woman, but it seems like she was one of those people who attracted postivity and served to inspire others. My mom was like that and sometimes I think these special souls are destined to to burn bright and move on b/c they have other work to do.

Then back to me and my life. For the most part, I have been living big. Since my mom's death I have vowed to do it big and have no regrets. That sentiment is at odds with most of the world and while I started out with a bang in the past 6 years since being back in Detroit, I have felt my fire beginning to dim. On my recent trip, someone asked isn't it depressing here when I described the city and to be honest I have to say, yes. Now of course one has the choice of whether or not to let their environment dictate their state of mind, but why make it an issue? I have enough battles to fight without trying to negate the affects of a negative city. I have done many things and I have stories for days about adventures and cool things that I did, but I don't want to live in the past. My life isn't over! I came back here in 1999 with specific goals. I said I would stick it out through 2006 to make some things happen, and as we bring the year to a close I know its time to move on. It's been on my heart for a couple of years now, but I let fear and stubborness keep me here. So 2007 is all about making moves both in my life and in my living environment. This will be a year of endings and of course when one thing ends another begins!

I want to say thank you to Miss Rainbow for inspiring me without ever having met me, thank you to the universe for my wakeup call, and thank you to my mother from bringing me into this world and preparing me to take it on. I have blessings overflowing and I am truly grateful for my friends (old and new) and family who continually love and support me.

I know my purpose in life and I promise to stay focused on being a "Passionate, intelligent, woman who will positively affect the state of her community while living a full balanced life that she loves!"

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