R U Gay?

ROFLMAO

I must say I was shocked at the question. I mean I know I don't date a whole lot, but do people really think I'm GAY? Let me be fair and re-tell the entire story. I was at a SuperBowl get together, nothing formal just friends and family hanging out eating junk food and talking. I was talking to my friend's Dad and he blurts out "Do people ask you if you're gay?" I think the look on my face must have said a lot b/c he went on to say, "If I wore a naked man around my neck, I think people would take it as a declaration of my sexuality." I have to add that I have a silver charm of the the Afro Diva lady that I wear around my neck (she is the mudflap lady with an afro). I rock it b/c I think its hot, not b/c I like women sexually.

I explained to him that its different for women and that most of the time I get women asking me how they can get one ( I do sell them as a matter of fact!). So as the conversation went I on I talked about how I am planning on leaving Detroit b/c I want to move somewhere with a larger pool of eligible bachelors. I have accepted that if I am going to find a honey, I need to move to a city where there are more of the type of people I like to be around.

He then gave me a shocked looked and said "Are you really looking?" I am not the typical girl, never have been, and hopefully never will be. I have not made it my life's goal to find a man, get married and have children, but like anyone else I don't really want to spend my life alone or anything. Maybe I read to much into his comment and reactions, but as of late I have had many people question my sexuality, desire to have a family, or willingness to be a mother b/c of my choice to have my own business and just do my own thing vs do anything to get, have or keep a man.

Times are strange though, I have a girlfriend who is trying this lesbian thing after yet another dissapointing heterosexual relationship and have heard about more and more women "turning lesbian" b/c they are tired of men and their foolishness. I am not one of them. Yes I am frustrated with the dating scene and state of the black community, but its not enough to make me switch to the other team. No I don't date a lot and have a different man on my arm every few weeks but that's b/c I am very selective about who I spend my time with.

I don't know I just wish it was easier to just be yourself and not be so misunderstood. If I was gay, it would just be gay, whatever, but damn just b/c a beautiful woman is single, doesn't date a lot, is focused on business, and generally happy or at least not lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a man around does not make her gay. Just look at me the beautiful, talented, very single, yet heterosexual Afro Diva!

JEEZ!!

Relax Relate Release

Just got back from a little R&R. I needed some new energy and a different space to help clear my head. I've been on the grind for a while now (almost 10 years to be exact) and it got real hard to keep going. I know its not supposed to be easy, but I was to the the top. Scratch that I was over the top and starting to drown it was soo deep.

At the urging of my champions I treated myself to a little retreat and it was good. Did it all go how I wanted it to go? No, but it was as it should be b/c the universe doesn't make mistakes. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see what's really going on and figure out what's next.

This morning as I packed up to head home, I was of mixed emotions. There was a shitload of stuff waiting for me to do and none of the issues had resolved themselves. I still have to figure a lot of stuff out, but as my wonderfull host quoted,"There are two rules of life. 1)Don't sweat the small stuff and 2) It's all small stuff." When I really look at my current situation, I realize its not so bad. So where am I now? Literally, I'm at home in my pj's typing on my laptop :-), but overall, facing the reality of some tough decisions. The difference is that instead of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless I have some clear insights into what I need to make happen.

1. I have to get some money flowing: I am not meant to be without cash. I don't need a lot of money, but this is foolishness right here. I am too talented and too fabulous to be this fiscally challenged. Plus this worry about finances and feeling deprived is effecting my ability to move forward. I am feeling resentful b/c I can't do what I want or even some of the most basic things. I have pushed this whole sacrifice thing a little too far.
   
   
2. I need to push past my fear of commitment and do it: No this is not about a man. I've been putting off buying property for over a year b/c the thought of a 30 year mortgage scares me. I have opportunity staring me in the face, but my ass is scared to commit to anything. This has to do with relationships too, but that's a whole other post.
   
   
3. Pull out ALL THE STOPS: I have a lot of resources available to me that I haven't tapped and if I am going to blow this up I have to empty my bag of tricks. What's the point of holding back? I don't want to have any excuses so I am going to put it all out there. Whatever happens, I'll live to see another day.
   
   
4. BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE: I have to commit to being a balanced person. I tend to live in extremes and its not working for me anymore. I vow to be well-rounded and live a full life no matter what!
   

So its on and poppin'. I am going to go all out to be a complete person and blow on up like I need to.