Holiday Blah

I am happy to see my Dad, I am on the fence about my sister, but what I do know is that I miss home. Not Detroit, not the house I grew up in, but that good feeling of love and laughter and togetherness. I'm on the train as I write this heading back from the Chi back to see the family, but that good feeling isn't there.

I know what it is, but that doesn't fix anything, it just means I get it. My life changed fundamental when my mother first got really sick. She was the organizer of the family. She put together the reunions, arranged holiday get togethers and kept all the sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, and grand kids in touch. For the past I guess 15 years since she wasn't able to walk or be independent things have been different.

Not one to get stuck in defeat, my sister and I made an effort to re-kindle the flame of family and love, but for the past two years since I quit my job and focused on my business, its been back to before :-(

I have a surrogate family consisting of my best friend from high school and her family, but this year they are in NC with other family so I am on my own. My relationship with my sister is strained and my other aunts and cousins are in Atlanta. All in all I'm feeling a little blue this Thanksgiving. This year has been one of tremendous changed. I moved to Chicago, my friends moved to Atlanta, I sold my studio/event space, and I am looking for job.

You can't dwell in the past, nor re-create it. I look forward to creating my own holiday traditions with friends and a family of my own, but then that gets me to wondering if that will ever happen. I love the whole domestic thing, cooking, decorating, playing hostess and would love to have a honey to share my life with, but things are looking kinda bleak on that front. Part of reason I am job hunting is that with my work I am surrounded by women all the time and its hard to meet men. I look forward to having more discretionary income to go out, travel, pursue my non-professional interests. I don't want to be restricted to my home and/or free/inexpensive events b/c my cash is low. Nor do I want to be forced to go out with gentlemen I am not interested in, just to get a free meal and get out the house.

I miss my days of financial Independence and the ability to do things I want to do, not just survive. When I look back into my heyday of dating fabulous menfolk I realized it was when I was just out there doing me! So as part of my new life in the Chi, I am excited about what will happen, as I get my money right! This diva is all about the renewed hustle for 2008 b/c this being fiscally challenged thing is for the birds. I'm a superstar dammit and that means money is not a thing!

I'll always remember this Thanksgiving b/c I vow to never ever repeat it. I would rather be going to a spa to relax and renew than feeling like a homeless vagrant.

The Aftermath

My Party was wonderful! Yes I know its been over a week since the big day, but I just got a moment to catch my breath. Last week was the beginning of the Spring class session and I've been busy teaching and promoting.

The day was great, very relaxing. Of all the things I could do, I did laundry. I actually like laundry, it smells good and its soft and wonderful(I do not like having to use the washers in the building and look forward to having my own washer/dryer in my new condo!). I find find folding it calming to my spirit, but please don't send your stuff over for folding, I have enough on my plate.

Next I got a fabulous massage. It was supposed to be and hour, but my body was so tight the therapist kept me on the table for an extra half hour! With all this dancing exercising and working hard, I guess my body was all in knots and really needed to be worked out. When I finally pulled myself off the table, (and it was hard b/c I was near sleep) I ran to the mall for a quick mani/pedi and it was off to the party!

I go to the skating rink a little late (I know, I have this thing about being on time), but got right into it. Yes that's me on the right having a blast. This was all ages skating so there were lots of young people around. They were just zipping past me, and probably laughing at the glamazon in the afro cautiously making her way around the rink, but who cares I was having fun?! Its been a while since I was on skates and can someone please tell me why the roller rink looks exactly like it did over 16 years ago when I went the last time? LOL, I mean the carpet, decor, everything is stuck in the 1980's! Nonetheless, we had fun. My friends and family came ate pizza and cake, skated, and had a great time!

Part two of the party was at the club! I love to dance, and since some people are sooo afraid of looking silly on skates, it was time to get our grown folks groove on. There was food, drinks and lots of dancing. Many of my students showed up and we showed out on the dance floor! My buddy and dance partner Rapture, was the mack for the evening. He and I love to ballroom (Detroit Style), but after he took me out on the floor for my first dance of the evening, he literally had a line of women just waiting to get a turn! I figured I didn't want to get in the way of his groove, so I busied myself playing hostess, hustling with my girls and interrogating the other men in the club about why they refused to dance. All the while Rapture was approached by groups of women. It was hilarious b/c by the time the night was over he was literally soaking wet. I finally snagged him again at the end of the night and ended the evening with a super dip! The birthday drinks flowed non-stop and so did the cash! I spent last week making some great birthday purchases (THX everyone!)

I strongly recommend having a birthday party for yourself, its lots of fun! This past weekend my sister celebrated hers and we had a ball. She rented a limo and we cruising around town. First we stopped at my aunties house for a champagne toast and cake. Next we went to the movies. Let's not forget the champagne in the limo hee hee hee! This theatre has a bar, so we watched the movie while sipping martinis! Then on to dinner! By the time we made it home we had laughed, gotten drunk, and had a great time just being together.

For the record I love my friends and am truly grateful to have all of them in my life. 31 is off the hook so far and the rest of this year is going to be magical. I think have recovered from my last two weekends of revelry and look forward to the next! Ms. Jewel, you're next!

Every Girl Needs a Daddy!

AfroerotiK: Who's Your Daddy?


As I get older and wiser I see how much of a blessing it was to have a Daddy. A real Daddy, a shonuff take you sledding, to the thanksgiving parade, teach you to change a tire/oil/brake pads, always bring you a gift on Valentines/Sweetest/Birthday, pick you up from Nursery School, even a a grown-ass woman always have your back, Daddy. I used to think everyone got it, and I finally understand that the sad fact is that the majority of Black folks didn't have it. This does explain why its so hard for me to find a man to treat me like a queen b/c most of them never saw their Dad treat their Mom that way. I get how these guys just walk away from their kids, b/c their Father's dipped on them. I see why soooo many of my sistahs let me treat them like crap, b/c they have never been the apple of their Daddy's eye and don't know to expect/demand more.

On the flip side, I guess I'm spoiled b/c I can't settle for anything less. No I don't need a man to buy me expensive stuff and "take care" of me financially, but he does have to dote on me, take me dancing, remember the "special" days and generally worship the ground I walk on. The really good thing for him is that I am willing and really want to do the same if not more in return.

My Daddy was so fabulous that when my Mom got sick w/ MS and b/c an invalid he stuck by her side and cared for her until we were forced to put her in a nursing home. To this day he gets tears in his eyes thinking about his true love.

I need man to love me that way and treat my children with the kind of love I have received. I can't have it any other way, but damn if I'm not have a tough time finding the man who will step up.

5 Year Plan

In five years I will be 34 years old. I will be in a long-term committed relationship. I will have started my HBCU endowment foundation to improve facilities at Historically Black colleges. I will be managing my successful business empire consisting of Entertainment, Media, Events and Real Estate divisions. I will have the ability to travel the world and continue to generate wealth for myself while on extended vacation. I will be preparing to start a family and have a house or residence on three (3) different continents. I will be fluent in Spanish and working on my third language (no ebonics doesn't count). I will have at least two (2) dream vehicles that are cool to drive & look at, but that are also fuel efficent and environmentally friendly. One of my homes (also environmently friendly) will be isolated near a body of water for when I want to get away from it all and relax. - declared April 1, 2005

April 1 - 3, 2005 I took a 3-Day Real Estate Investment Seminar. This was approximately 1 month before I quit my job and decided to strike out on my own. The plan was to use the Real Estate to supplement my income while I built my Event Planning business. I got scared. FEAR is a muthaf*cker, and can really destroy your life if you let it stop you. Anyhoo, a year and a half later, I am ready to do this, so I pulled out my notes (I keep everything and take copious notes) to review and I found my "5 Year Plan" it was an exercise they had us do in the seminar to help us focus and figure out why we're doing this. My plan hasn't changed much, and I am on track! Its good to put it out here like this because I want to be held accountable to myself. So I officially give anyone who reads this the right to check me and call me out if I start losing focus.

If you don't have a 5-year plan I reccomend you you get one ASAP!

The Independent Woman

I would challenge you to find anyone to question whether or not I am an independent woman. I have no desire to "live off" of anyone or be "needy," but it wasn't until very recently that I found out that many people have equated my feminist tendencies with anti-family and were surprised to find out my value system could be considered "traditional." As with almost everything I do, I have to add my own twist, but maybe my lack of vocalizing it has stood in my way.

I had to do a reality check in the past couple of years. People have always asked me about my views on marriage and children and the thought of both used to strike terror in my heart. I could really identify with those men who have a "fear of commitment" and think they will lose their freedom if they get married or "settle down." I could never understand many of my female friends desire to be a "wife."

To be honest marriage and motherhood just didn't seem like fun. When I would look around @ people's lives, they didn't seem happy, so I began to equate marriage and kids with misery. For women in particular it seemed oppressive, stressful, and pretty much a raw deal. All I could see were haggard & weary women trying to work, take care of home, and not having anytime for themselves. They were their sacrifices like a badge of honor. "Look at what I go through for the sake of my family." They seem to revel in their martyrdom. I have never gotten of on self-inflected agony so thanks but no thanks.

I have been called selfish b/c I am 30 almost 31 without any children. It saddens me when b/c no one asks if I am happily married, or in a long-term relationship. It seems like the new expectation is that at some point I'll just "get pregnant" and be a baby's mama and maybe if I am "lucky" find a man to marry me. I think its nuts. I have made it a point "NOT" to become a single parent. That road is to rough to travel voluntarily, and to me unless you make it a point not to engage in unsafe behavior you essentially are just asking for it. No I just plan to create the best possible circumstance for me to become a parent. This involves sufficient support be it financial (once I become a multi-millionare) or find the right person to build something with, and no I will not compromise.

Here's my little secret though. Yes I am an independent woman, but part of that is the ability to choose my life. All of it. I would looooove to have a family. However, I didn't want to be the traditional working mom, most of my friends grew up with. I want to be available to my children, and that means I have to call the shots. I work on my terms. It seems like many women just traded a controlling husband for a controlling boss. Instead of having to ask their husbands for money and working like a slave at home, they go out and slave for some company to get a little change in their pocket. Is one better than the other? Honestly, I think as a nation working mothers have hurt the fabric of families b/c the children have suffered. No its not the women's faults b/c no one should be forced to stay home and have no power over their lives. As my mother told me, you always need to have your "own." My solution was to become an entrepreneur. As the head of my company I set the policy; thumbs up to on-site childcare and flexible schedules.

What's crazy is when I found out that most people I know thought that b/c I was so focused on building my business, I wasn't interested in a family. They assume I don't know how to cook or want to be "domestic." Because I articulate that I want a maid, and chef that I wouldn't be a good wife. People honestly decided that I must not want children b/c I don't have any by now.
Hey if being a wife ALWAYS has to mean that you cook, clean and generally serve as the family slave they would be right. I want no parts of it. So I ran away from the concepts of marriage, wife, husband b/c I did not like the roles/responsibilities that came with them.

Now I'm not so militant about it. I know that as long and I am clear about who I am and how I will be in a relationship, I don't have to trip out on labels so much. The thing is, most people are still caught up in what they think a marriage, wife, or husband "should" be, but they aren't my concern. Now instead of vehemently declaring "I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!" I just ask people what it means to them. It always starts a great conversation and sets the stage for change.

I will always be an independent woman, strike that, independent PERSON. Its important to keep things in balance. No one, man or woman should be a slave. You should always have the option to walk away from a situation that is unfavorable to you be it work or romance. When someone has complete control of your existence, you leave yourself open to possible exploitation. Always have an exit strategy. Usually if everyone knows its there, you never have to use it. If more employers felt that their staff could "peace out" at anytime, they would treat them better. Just like they emphasize good customer service b/c consumers have choices about what business to patronize, employers would have better employee policies b/c people could choose whether or not they want to work or not. Yeah this is radical thought, but just think how much better the world would be if we could choose our lives, not just live them.

If you treat me right, I'll be there for you. I'll go to the mat for you. I'll make all your dreams come true, but if you take me for granted and act a fool, you will look up and I'll be in the wind.

Believe it.


For the record