Rules for Dating A. Diva

1. Be on time and if you can't, call and let A.Diva know you will be late, can't make it, need to get a raincheck etc. Not showing up or showing up more than 10 minutes late is a deal breaker.
2. In the beginning always ask A. Diva out 2-3 days in advance. A. Diva has shit to do and most likely is not going to be available at the last minute. If you wait till that last minute you will most likely never spend time with A. Diva. Not because A. Diva is not interested, not because she is playing by "the rule," but that she knows better than to drop important things in her life for someone she barely knows and since she doesn't like to sit around bored, she usually has activities scheduled in advance.
3. Be a gentleman. If you are unclear about what that means you probably should not try to date A. Diva. A. Diva is not in the business of teaching men how to be grown. If your mama and daddy did not teach you, please take the time to research it on your own and then you may be ready to date A. Diva
   
4. Be creative and make plans. A. Diva appreciates a man who can show her new things and expand her world. If A. Diva always has to plan everything she will find you boring and look for someone more interesting to spend her time with.
5. Be open to new things. A. Diva likes to keep things fresh and exciting. The thought of doing the same thing everyday is not acceptable. A. Diva will suggest all sorts of activities and adventures to get into, you should be open to a lot if not all of them
   
6. Know how or being willing to learn to dance. A. Diva's all time favorite past-time is dancing and A. Diva loves to partner dance. If you do not already know how to dance with a partner, you should learn and/or be willing to take lessons with A. Diva. If you are not willing, do not try to date A. Diva, she will go out without you and you will be upset when she dances with other men. A. Diva will not stop going out dancing just because she is dating you so it is best that you like to go out too.
   

Friends First then Lovers?

I am being confronted in my social life. I decided I would do this dating thing and be open to finding love and I truly believe I have been giving it a go, but none of this makes any sense to me. Sometimes I think I may be too logical, but it is who I am and I really don't want to change it.

When I meet a guy I may or may not been immediately attracted to him physically. It is just rare that I meet the "perfect" man strictly from a physical standpoint and even in the rare case that someone who is like my ultimate fantasy shows up, I'm still not going to have relations immediately. I find random sex to be nasty. Sorry, it's just how I see it. I can't imagine getting intimate with a complete stranger.

So when I meet a fellow who I think has the potential to be something more than just an acquaintance or even a friend,meaning, I like his style, his personality seems cool, yes he is attractive, and dammit yes his body of off the hook! I want to know if everything I think about him is true. I want to see if we can be friends before I move into a physical relationship with him. I don't think this is strange, but I am getting major resistance from grown men who claim to be ready to have "real" relationships and not just hook ups/jump offs/ etc..

So why does my behavior seem to be so strange to them? Call me crazy, but I think it is obvious that sex complicates things. It can overshadow the opportunity to create a real friendship b/c rather than spending time creating a true relationship, you often spend a lot of time having sex. Sex is good, I like it, it's lots of fun, but I know at that it takes more than a physical connection to create a relationship.

I would like to where my other grown ups weigh in on this topic. When you are looking for a serious relationship, do you hold off on physical intimacy or does it matter? If you do wait, how long does it take before you do the do? Do you need to be friends first if you want to be more than just lovers?

Fog

1/14/08

The sadness just sort of slips in. Slowly stealthily like a fog. I just look up and it's upon me and I don't know how to shake it. I just want to wrap up and stay there until it goes away, but I have things to do and people I am accountable to, so I put one foot in front of the other and keep trudging along.

What set it off was the realization that I have to cut some people loose and make some really tough decisions. It hit me at once and I just am not excited about it. The talk, the conversations, the reality of it all hit me as I walked in and has settled on me like wet blanket.

It's always the same and I want something different. I want enthusiasm and harmony. I want clarity and synergy. I want us all to work together towards one goal. It seems like what I want doesn't matter, and I don't like it one bit.

2/13/08

But what's the point in complaining? I get tired of hearing my own shit, so why would I expect someone else to listen? Today I have the pre-valentines blues. It came on me all of a sudden just like last month, and no it has nothing to do with my cycle thank you very much!

Today was an excellent day. I hadn't been nor have I been lamenting my single status. Most of the time it's just whatever, but two things happened. After a long day of doing a job I am loving, and taking care of some business, I decided to go out to dinner rather than cook. As I sat in the restaurant, it hit me, I am alone. I don't have anyone I want to call to eat dinner with me. Now don't misunderstand, I have options, but choose not to exercise them. I don't want a warm body, I want passion and romance. I want to feel something other than gratefulness that I am not dining alone.

Then I got in the car to head home and turned on the radio ( I never usually listen to the radio) but this lady was on crying about how much she loved her boyfriend and how he didn't trust her. The DJ was allowing her to dedicate a song. They played Sade "By My Side." I swear I was transported back to the concert that I went to with one of the most fantastic guys I have ever dated. I remember how excited I was when he told me he had tickets. It was one of our first dates! India Arie opened and the show was excellent. I called him when I got in (we're still in touch) and it was nice to hear his voice.

I shared with him my memory and he clowned me b/c I recently chastised him for the same thing. We know our time has passed, but as we both sit in the present, unsatisfied with what is, we sometimes reflect on what was ,and think about what could have been. He told me before I moved away that the song "Rocket Love" by Stevie Wonder makes him think of me. When I checked out the lyrics I was shocked. Our break-up wasn't dramatic, but I hate to hear I made someone feel that way. I was young and didn't know how to express my feelings. Then I thought of another fellow who views me in that same light. I would not change anything about how things went down with the guy from tonight's conversation, but with the other I would do almost anything to go back and fix things. He was my last true Valentine and I love and miss him.

While our time has passed too, as I sit here lonely dreading tomorrow, I wonder if I have missed my chance at a deep passionate enduring love. How many chances do you get? I have grown sooo much from those days of fear and uncertainty, but now it seems next to impossible to find someone who ignites any type of excitement in my heart. Was it the fact that we were young? I feel like I still have it in me, but everyone I meet seems so "dead." I am yearning for a kindred spirit who is ready to go out and take on the world without holding back. A man with a vision and the drive to go for it. A man of action, taking steps right now to create the life he wants. A man who will cherish, adore, respect, and appreciate me. Where are they?

POOF!

I met someone and while things seemed to be going well in an instant he was gone! Its strange b/c it felt good, but then again perhaps my spidey sense was a little off b/c its been awhile since I really connected with anyone. A few great evenings together, long talks about shared interests, and romantic strolls along the riverfront peppered with kisses, hugs, and talks of enjoying the moment, had me starting to feel little giddy and thinking that maybe all was not lost.

It must be noted that this gentleman has a lot on his plate emotionally which is why I tredded lightlly in this engagement and explains why while I am dissapointed, I am not devastated by this strange situation. I would characterize my feeling as that of puzzlement. I really would like to understand why men seem to run from a throughly pleasant experience and then come back months, years later lamenting their decision to leave me for "something else" and expect me to take them back with open arms?

Benefitting from a healthy dose of self-love and a couple years of therapy I get that its not me, at least not in a negative way, but that knowledge doesn't take away the frustration and sadness that there may be no alternative to the occasional FB, lots of platonic friends, and electronic stimulation. So what's A Diva to do?

I know a few things about men. Not a whole lot, but a few things I am 100% convinced of.
a) you cannot make anyone love/like you
b) if a man wants to be with you and is ready, all you have to do is let him know that you are open, and he will come running
c) while it is easy to get into a man's pants, it takes a lot to get into his heart and mind
d) a good looking woman never has to want for male company

So what does this knowledge do to help me in my quest against continual singledom? Not a lot b/c while I can always convice someone to take me out, I cannot make him open his heart if he has decided not to. Moreover, I can't make him stay when he gets scared b/c he's starting to fall for me, and thinks that being open and vulnerable is unacceptable b/c in the past he has only dealt with damaged women.

So when he returns like they all do at some point to tell me that there has never been another like me. Or that they now realize that I am "the one." I simply give them a sweet smile and say thank you, but cannot bring myself to open my heart again to one who threw it away to carelessly when I offered it to him. I don't think that make me bitter b/c I am open to new suitors, just not recycling old ones.

So the current Mr. POOF has officially moved on to the catergory of "another wounded soul" who can't handle me. If he happens to read this, yes I am talking about you luv. I'm not hurt so much as learning from the past that if you are running this soon, you need to work a little more on you before you try to hang with me b/c I don't play games and am not interested in playing hide and seek with you!