What's the Point in Dating? Part 1 & 2

Part 1
I spent this evening in conversation with a gentleman I've been seeing. It's nothing serious, because I've been trying to "Date." I was told the reason I have not had the best of luck with men and relationships is that I have always taken it too seriously. It was explained to me by retired pimpstress T-Mack that it's a numbers game and that the more men you date the higher the odds you'll find someone great!

So as I began my new adventures here in the Chi, I decided to be open. I would try saying "yes," even if there wasn't any "chemistry." I would follow the thought that maybe he's really a great person or has some really cool friends. For most of my life I always felt that when a guy asks you out there is the implicit understanding that he is interested romantically and that my accepting the date you are implying that there is a possibility b/c on some level you are interested too(yes i agree with you J). However, this new strategy says that just b/c you say yes doesn't require you to be interested, you're just becoming friends.

As I am still looking for a job, I'm not trying to spend a whole lot of money. Normally if I go out with friends I pay for myself, so I wasn't comfortable going out with these fellas when I couldn't pay. It just didn't seem right to let them spend their money when I wasn't interested in romance. But, when I explained this to them as the reason I hadn't called or didn't always want to go out, I was told not to worry b/c they just "enjoyed my company." So why do I continue to feel that they want more from me?

It's not surprising as I am quite fabulous, but I can't help that there is nothing there for me. I like what I like and if they are not it, what can I do? I guess this is just to say that I don't understand the point of dating if you're not trying to move towards something more? I don't do casual sex, so if we're not connecting on the spiritual or intellectual planes I can promise we won't be connecting physically! So if there is no chance you getting some tail and you're not interested in something long-term, what is the point in dating? Do some men just really really enjoy the company of women? Should I stop seeing these guys even though they say they are okay with just being friends? My gut says at some point things will get complicated and that I should just take a little break b/c I just don't understand this whole dating thing nowadays.

Part 2

Then on a different tip, what is with this last minute plans thing? Maybe I'm old school, but if you want to spend time with someone doesn't it make since to make plans to see them? I have been dating since moving into town, but have had a number of guys complain or make off-hand remarks about me being "too busy." I'm confused b/c it can't be that they are really surprised that I am not available to drop everything and go-out with them, can they? Please someone tell me, is them how it is nowadays? You call around 5 or 6 to see if she wants to go out around 7 or 8 and actually expect to get a yes? When did it become a bad thing to have a life?

Now to be honest I was making it mean something else. I figured he must not be seriously interested in me if he called at the last minute to make plans. I just put him into the "something to do if bored" category, and made a note not to get too invested b/c he just wasn't that into me (part of my "Its just dating" philosophy). I was informed by a friend that it wasn't necessarily the case, but that nowadays things are just more casual; people don't plan actual dates days in advance, but simply hook up when their schedules happen to allow. While this is new to me, I can accept that, even though I may not like it.

My question is why not? If you have met someone that you say you really want to get to know better, why not set some time apart in your schedule to spend with them? On the other hand why would these guys I literally just met expect me to rearrange my schedule and/or break my plans to spend time with them? Moreover, could they really really be upset and/or offended by the fact that I decline to do so? Are most women so eager to "go out" that they make it their top priority? Am I being strange? Am I being unreasonable? Someone please give me some insight b/c I am truly perplexed! It's not that I don't want to date. It's not that I don't like men. It just that I don't like being an after-though or being taken for granted. I don't think I'm being over-sensitive but maybe I am. I told my roommate I'm going off men for awhile b/c right now dealing with them is not bringing me any joy and right now I only want joy!

The New Woman

I don't buy the bullshit that the mother has to "stay at home," or not work, in order to raise good children b/c for most of our history, black women weren't even given that as an option and plenty of "good children" were raised back in the day. For those who were "at home" they had a cottage industry business like doing other people's laundry. Most black women have always had to work.

With that said, I resent criticism of educated women who are financially independent and single by "choice" as emasculating or man-hating. Let me tell you what has changed about the "new woman." She is "choosing" to be single rather than settle for a "piece" of a man. The Temptations' song "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" speaks to the mindset of many men that they should have their pick of where to lay their hat, and that many women just accepted it. You should not be mad at me for no longer allowing you to disrespect me by being openly unfaithful and trying to curl up in my bed when and if you feel like it. You have emasculated yourselves by walking out on your families, failing to keep your commitment to your wives, and being generally irresponsible. We have finally decided to stop taking up with these little boys in men's bodies.

So when we say "I don't need a man?" The full statement is this, "I don't need man who is disrespectful, irresponsible, immature, selfish, inconsiderate, whorish, lazy, jealous, or abusive." or "I don't need a man who refuses to treat me like a human being with emotional needs, will not make-love to me, only wants to fuck me" or even"I don't need a man gives me money when what I really want is love and intimacy." "I don't need a man to validate me or make me feel like a woman!"

I have yet to meet an educated black woman who, if given the opportunity would not jump, leap, or sprint at the chance to be in a relationship where she feels loved, honored, cherished, stimulated, respected, and valued. Everyone I know would love to cater to her man, and inspire him to be the best he can be. She wants to support him and make him happy, but not at her own expense. The "new" woman understands that her value as a person is not tied to whether or not she has a "man" or has "children." She allows herself to be happy with herself even if here vagina is not being filled by a dick on a consistent basis or if she hasn't popped out a child. She knows her significant contributions to the world can be more than cooking meals, cleaning houses, sewing clothes, birthing babies, and being a penis receptacle (I however, am not saying there is anything wrong with being a homemaker and/or stay at home mom or wanting pleasing your man sexually). She does not think that to be a "good woman" she has to sacrifice her happiness for her husband and children.

If you want be with this woman, she demands she get more than her basic needs met. No you can't keep her happy her by keeping a roof over her head, clothes on her back, food on the table, or by fucking her every so often. Beyond that, nowadays, most guys aren't even willing to provide the basics so you can be a stay at home mom or homemaker. I've heard it a million times, " I ain't taking care of nobody." In addition, they don't even know how to please a woman in bed. They honestly thing that just b/c they have a big dick they can satisfy you. Lol, please you can get a woman happy sexually with no dick if you're talented enough with your hands, mouth, and purchase a few "accessories."

I'm confused what exactly are these guys think they bring to the relationship and why they think anyone would want to be with them? These same guys seem to expect her to not only go out and work and contribute to the household financially, she should also cook, clean, have babies, stay in shape, fuck on demand, and be happy about it too. Why exactly should we be jumping at the chance to be in a relationship? Does that sound fun to you?

So its not that we don't need men. Everyone wants companionship. Human beings need love, intimacy, and yes sex! But that's not what we are being offered. We are being offered a little cash and a penis. Well I have a job which provides me with plenty of cash, and I can buy a penis. I in fact I can get a penis that vibrates, rotates, pulsates, and will never ever cheat on me! What I cannot buy is a cuddle-buddy, a travel partner, a debate partner, a comforting hug, a loving caress, an encouraging word, a listening ear, or a friend.

Don't complain that there are no good women when what you really mean is you can't find a woman willing to let you walk all over her. Don't call all black women attitudinal, gold-diggers, or unfaithful when all you are offering is money or dick. What you expect? If all you did catch a woman is spend money on her, are you really surprised when all she does is ask you for money or leaves you when someone with even more money throws it her way? If some woman stays with you just b/c you can fuck well, why are you surprised if she has multiple partners or leaves for a man with a bigger dick that can please her more? Does it really surprise you that you get a lot of attitude when you continually act a damn fool? Step up, contribute to the relationship, and be a real partner or be satisfied with gold-digging, promiscuous, nagging women!

That is all
xxx