Rules for Dating A. Diva

1. Be on time and if you can't, call and let A.Diva know you will be late, can't make it, need to get a raincheck etc. Not showing up or showing up more than 10 minutes late is a deal breaker.
2. In the beginning always ask A. Diva out 2-3 days in advance. A. Diva has shit to do and most likely is not going to be available at the last minute. If you wait till that last minute you will most likely never spend time with A. Diva. Not because A. Diva is not interested, not because she is playing by "the rule," but that she knows better than to drop important things in her life for someone she barely knows and since she doesn't like to sit around bored, she usually has activities scheduled in advance.
3. Be a gentleman. If you are unclear about what that means you probably should not try to date A. Diva. A. Diva is not in the business of teaching men how to be grown. If your mama and daddy did not teach you, please take the time to research it on your own and then you may be ready to date A. Diva
   
4. Be creative and make plans. A. Diva appreciates a man who can show her new things and expand her world. If A. Diva always has to plan everything she will find you boring and look for someone more interesting to spend her time with.
5. Be open to new things. A. Diva likes to keep things fresh and exciting. The thought of doing the same thing everyday is not acceptable. A. Diva will suggest all sorts of activities and adventures to get into, you should be open to a lot if not all of them
   
6. Know how or being willing to learn to dance. A. Diva's all time favorite past-time is dancing and A. Diva loves to partner dance. If you do not already know how to dance with a partner, you should learn and/or be willing to take lessons with A. Diva. If you are not willing, do not try to date A. Diva, she will go out without you and you will be upset when she dances with other men. A. Diva will not stop going out dancing just because she is dating you so it is best that you like to go out too.
   

Sex Object

For the most part, I have always dated with a single purpose, "the possibility of a long-term relationship (LTR) with another person." Not necessarily marriage, but with the intention to create a friendship that last for more than a couple of week or months. The exception to this would be a brief fling after my last long relationship drought.

Fast forward to the present. After about another 2-yr relationship break, I have feel the need for companionship which could or could not include sexual relations. While optimally, I would love to meet someone with true Long-Term potential, I have decided to also be open to a little summer fling. Just a quick dalliance to fulfill this longing for closeness to another human being as I continue to ready myself for Mr. Fantastic! With this in mind I decided I would be willing to overlook some known deal-breakers in exchange for a brief affair.

With my priorities shifted, instead of looking for someone with similar long-term goals, and intellectual/spiritual compatibility, I decided to find a cutie-pie whose personality is not too bad to hang-out with and kick it with for a while (read: until those known deal-breakers start to grate on my nerves so much I need him to go away forever!). I felt okay with this b/c from what I have seen most men are not really interested in relationships and would appreciate my new perspective. Then, I had a convo with my sister about a mutual acquaintance who is without a car right now so he is dating women for the sole purpose of using their cars to get around. That got me to thinking about dating for motives other than love, friendship and companionship such as: sex, money, financial security, free meals, status, etc.. I really felt it was unethical for him to raise these women's expectations up knowing full well that if had his own car he would never even go out with them at all.

So this morning as I showered and contemplated calling one of my "fling potentials" it hit me that perhaps I was being unethical too! If I am reasonably sure that the guy I am going to hang out with will never become more than a funny story to share after I move on, is it wrong to start anything in the first place. I try to live by the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," and I wouldn't want anyone to agree to see me under that premise.

So I ask the question" When dating, do we need to be upfront about what our intentions are?"

It's Official - The Rules are In!

I will accept that no matter how much I want it to be different there are real dating rules that I am going to have to follow in order to get these men to straighten up and fly right.

It seems men really want to be manipulated and seduced into treating a women like a human being. Please note I am asking for what I see as the basics of consideration, but apparently when you are romantically interested in someone common courtesy goes out the window in place of a complex set of rules and guidelines.

It seems that as the woman, I am not allowed to call the man if I want to talk to him. Doing so will turn him off b/c he now does not have to chase me. It doesn't matter that what I want is someone to talk to, I cannot call him. Then when he does finally call me, I have to be sure to end the conversation quickly. It does not matter that I may like to talk longer, I have to adhere to the time limit so that he is left "wanting more."

Apparently men are not attracted to smart, funny, easy going, fun, beautiful, charming, poised, confident , independent women. Instead they are attracted to women whom seem too busy to spend time with them and/or talk with them for long periods of time. Men have to feel like they are overcoming an obstacle and it must always remain this way or he will take you for granted and be and ass.

So despite the fact that I man want a confident, trusted advisor, companion, and lover, the only real role he can play is that of a lover b/c the others would require us to spend lots of time together talking which would result in him feeling smothered and not being challenged. So the fact that I need to feel emotionally and psychologically close to someone before I have sex is not a factor, b/c the things that I need to happen to build that trust and familiarity will ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship b/c I will no longer be a mystery or challenge. The fact that we can talk for hours and have fun doing things together and building a future don't seem to count for much.

With all this in mind, I am back to feeling like there is no real point in dating b/c I can't seem to get what I want.

What's the Point in Dating? Part 1 & 2

Part 1
I spent this evening in conversation with a gentleman I've been seeing. It's nothing serious, because I've been trying to "Date." I was told the reason I have not had the best of luck with men and relationships is that I have always taken it too seriously. It was explained to me by retired pimpstress T-Mack that it's a numbers game and that the more men you date the higher the odds you'll find someone great!

So as I began my new adventures here in the Chi, I decided to be open. I would try saying "yes," even if there wasn't any "chemistry." I would follow the thought that maybe he's really a great person or has some really cool friends. For most of my life I always felt that when a guy asks you out there is the implicit understanding that he is interested romantically and that my accepting the date you are implying that there is a possibility b/c on some level you are interested too(yes i agree with you J). However, this new strategy says that just b/c you say yes doesn't require you to be interested, you're just becoming friends.

As I am still looking for a job, I'm not trying to spend a whole lot of money. Normally if I go out with friends I pay for myself, so I wasn't comfortable going out with these fellas when I couldn't pay. It just didn't seem right to let them spend their money when I wasn't interested in romance. But, when I explained this to them as the reason I hadn't called or didn't always want to go out, I was told not to worry b/c they just "enjoyed my company." So why do I continue to feel that they want more from me?

It's not surprising as I am quite fabulous, but I can't help that there is nothing there for me. I like what I like and if they are not it, what can I do? I guess this is just to say that I don't understand the point of dating if you're not trying to move towards something more? I don't do casual sex, so if we're not connecting on the spiritual or intellectual planes I can promise we won't be connecting physically! So if there is no chance you getting some tail and you're not interested in something long-term, what is the point in dating? Do some men just really really enjoy the company of women? Should I stop seeing these guys even though they say they are okay with just being friends? My gut says at some point things will get complicated and that I should just take a little break b/c I just don't understand this whole dating thing nowadays.

Part 2

Then on a different tip, what is with this last minute plans thing? Maybe I'm old school, but if you want to spend time with someone doesn't it make since to make plans to see them? I have been dating since moving into town, but have had a number of guys complain or make off-hand remarks about me being "too busy." I'm confused b/c it can't be that they are really surprised that I am not available to drop everything and go-out with them, can they? Please someone tell me, is them how it is nowadays? You call around 5 or 6 to see if she wants to go out around 7 or 8 and actually expect to get a yes? When did it become a bad thing to have a life?

Now to be honest I was making it mean something else. I figured he must not be seriously interested in me if he called at the last minute to make plans. I just put him into the "something to do if bored" category, and made a note not to get too invested b/c he just wasn't that into me (part of my "Its just dating" philosophy). I was informed by a friend that it wasn't necessarily the case, but that nowadays things are just more casual; people don't plan actual dates days in advance, but simply hook up when their schedules happen to allow. While this is new to me, I can accept that, even though I may not like it.

My question is why not? If you have met someone that you say you really want to get to know better, why not set some time apart in your schedule to spend with them? On the other hand why would these guys I literally just met expect me to rearrange my schedule and/or break my plans to spend time with them? Moreover, could they really really be upset and/or offended by the fact that I decline to do so? Are most women so eager to "go out" that they make it their top priority? Am I being strange? Am I being unreasonable? Someone please give me some insight b/c I am truly perplexed! It's not that I don't want to date. It's not that I don't like men. It just that I don't like being an after-though or being taken for granted. I don't think I'm being over-sensitive but maybe I am. I told my roommate I'm going off men for awhile b/c right now dealing with them is not bringing me any joy and right now I only want joy!

Dating Amnesia

I think I have forgotten how to date. Really, its been so long I'm worried I might not remember what to do or how to act. I swear there is another side to me that's not all work, but its been so long since she came out to play I fear she may be lost. I want to remember how to let my hair down and just be...

I don't feel like its my fault, its not like I haven't wanted to go out over the past few months/years, but I just haven't met anyone I want to go out with. I get plenty of offers, from all sorts of characters. Characters is the operative word here.

If somehow I could convince myself that a sloppily dressed, fuzzy-haired, wanna be gangsta, or generally dirty looking man was somehow desirable I could go out all the time. They love to pull up next to me in my cute little jeep and ask me for my number. I was at the mall last weekend and a good number, hissed, hooted, and beckoned for me to come over. I am wondering what happened to the concept of a man coming over to ask you "Excuse me miss, what's your name?" When did it become the expectation for me to scamper over to you b/c you look at me and make a PSST sound?

I know I am not crazy, and I'm good with my attitude "weeding out the assholes" but can they all really be asses? So I have an opportunity to test my skills and I'm off to a different environment, hopefully to meet new people and be in a place where there are people with ambition, intelligence, respect for women, and a appreciation of a superstar like myself. I just have to be honest and say I am little scared.

I may have forgotten how to be a good date? I guess we'll see.

R U Gay?

ROFLMAO

I must say I was shocked at the question. I mean I know I don't date a whole lot, but do people really think I'm GAY? Let me be fair and re-tell the entire story. I was at a SuperBowl get together, nothing formal just friends and family hanging out eating junk food and talking. I was talking to my friend's Dad and he blurts out "Do people ask you if you're gay?" I think the look on my face must have said a lot b/c he went on to say, "If I wore a naked man around my neck, I think people would take it as a declaration of my sexuality." I have to add that I have a silver charm of the the Afro Diva lady that I wear around my neck (she is the mudflap lady with an afro). I rock it b/c I think its hot, not b/c I like women sexually.

I explained to him that its different for women and that most of the time I get women asking me how they can get one ( I do sell them as a matter of fact!). So as the conversation went I on I talked about how I am planning on leaving Detroit b/c I want to move somewhere with a larger pool of eligible bachelors. I have accepted that if I am going to find a honey, I need to move to a city where there are more of the type of people I like to be around.

He then gave me a shocked looked and said "Are you really looking?" I am not the typical girl, never have been, and hopefully never will be. I have not made it my life's goal to find a man, get married and have children, but like anyone else I don't really want to spend my life alone or anything. Maybe I read to much into his comment and reactions, but as of late I have had many people question my sexuality, desire to have a family, or willingness to be a mother b/c of my choice to have my own business and just do my own thing vs do anything to get, have or keep a man.

Times are strange though, I have a girlfriend who is trying this lesbian thing after yet another dissapointing heterosexual relationship and have heard about more and more women "turning lesbian" b/c they are tired of men and their foolishness. I am not one of them. Yes I am frustrated with the dating scene and state of the black community, but its not enough to make me switch to the other team. No I don't date a lot and have a different man on my arm every few weeks but that's b/c I am very selective about who I spend my time with.

I don't know I just wish it was easier to just be yourself and not be so misunderstood. If I was gay, it would just be gay, whatever, but damn just b/c a beautiful woman is single, doesn't date a lot, is focused on business, and generally happy or at least not lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a man around does not make her gay. Just look at me the beautiful, talented, very single, yet heterosexual Afro Diva!

JEEZ!!