Where I am and Where I wanna be

My whole crew is going skiing in Vail this January for MLK weekend. I love to ski and would love to go to Vail, CO. I have never been there before and we have a phat condo thanks to my BFF's mom's law firm. So here's the deal. I am starting a self-development program that same weekend and I can't miss the first day which is Sat Jan 19th! Everyone is like, why don't you just push the workshop back and go skiing? I am torn. I love my peeps! I miss the babies, and a few days kicking it on the slopes would be nice BUT.... Here's the thing. I am in the midst of transition. I just moved here and I'm still looking for a job, so getting a plane ticket would be a feat. Plus this workshop is all about learning advanced communication skills to build a community of people around you so you can realize your dreams!

If I had to admit one thing I don't seem to be great at, it's building a team of people around me so that my dreams come true! I am great at coming up with projects. I can even get people excited and on board, but time and time again the team has fallen apart when things get going. I get that I have a little trouble with communication, thus, why I am committed to this course. I want to have a massive transformation in my life around my relationships. If I push back the workshop, I would have to wait until March sometime. Moreover, if I go to this weekend, I don't know if I will be able to afford another weekend with more social potential. The previous weekend there is a group of young black professionals going skiing. I feel that that event would be more inline with my current life goals of meeting people and being more social than going to Vail with my long-time. In the past when we have gone skiing on non-black ski weekends, once we get off the slopes there is nothing to do, but just hang out in the rooms, and I found it a little boring, I don't want to experience that again. This exact scenario is what prompted me to start my annual ski weekend King of the Mountain back in 2000.

Everyone is like, I can't believe you're going to miss a weekend with the babies, just to do some workshop. Much like my decision to sell my dance studio and move, I feel like I have to do whatever it takes to create a new life for myself that I am happy in. To me the answer is clear, I am not going to Vail in Jan, but I dread the pressure that will be put upon me to change this decision. All I know is that there are some areas of my life where I am dissatisfied and if anything is going to change, I have to be pro-active, so while I love all my peeps, I am going to have to stay and work on myself and I'll make a special trip down to the ATL to spend with them all!

Holiday Blah

I am happy to see my Dad, I am on the fence about my sister, but what I do know is that I miss home. Not Detroit, not the house I grew up in, but that good feeling of love and laughter and togetherness. I'm on the train as I write this heading back from the Chi back to see the family, but that good feeling isn't there.

I know what it is, but that doesn't fix anything, it just means I get it. My life changed fundamental when my mother first got really sick. She was the organizer of the family. She put together the reunions, arranged holiday get togethers and kept all the sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, and grand kids in touch. For the past I guess 15 years since she wasn't able to walk or be independent things have been different.

Not one to get stuck in defeat, my sister and I made an effort to re-kindle the flame of family and love, but for the past two years since I quit my job and focused on my business, its been back to before :-(

I have a surrogate family consisting of my best friend from high school and her family, but this year they are in NC with other family so I am on my own. My relationship with my sister is strained and my other aunts and cousins are in Atlanta. All in all I'm feeling a little blue this Thanksgiving. This year has been one of tremendous changed. I moved to Chicago, my friends moved to Atlanta, I sold my studio/event space, and I am looking for job.

You can't dwell in the past, nor re-create it. I look forward to creating my own holiday traditions with friends and a family of my own, but then that gets me to wondering if that will ever happen. I love the whole domestic thing, cooking, decorating, playing hostess and would love to have a honey to share my life with, but things are looking kinda bleak on that front. Part of reason I am job hunting is that with my work I am surrounded by women all the time and its hard to meet men. I look forward to having more discretionary income to go out, travel, pursue my non-professional interests. I don't want to be restricted to my home and/or free/inexpensive events b/c my cash is low. Nor do I want to be forced to go out with gentlemen I am not interested in, just to get a free meal and get out the house.

I miss my days of financial Independence and the ability to do things I want to do, not just survive. When I look back into my heyday of dating fabulous menfolk I realized it was when I was just out there doing me! So as part of my new life in the Chi, I am excited about what will happen, as I get my money right! This diva is all about the renewed hustle for 2008 b/c this being fiscally challenged thing is for the birds. I'm a superstar dammit and that means money is not a thing!

I'll always remember this Thanksgiving b/c I vow to never ever repeat it. I would rather be going to a spa to relax and renew than feeling like a homeless vagrant.