Friends First then Lovers?

I am being confronted in my social life. I decided I would do this dating thing and be open to finding love and I truly believe I have been giving it a go, but none of this makes any sense to me. Sometimes I think I may be too logical, but it is who I am and I really don't want to change it.

When I meet a guy I may or may not been immediately attracted to him physically. It is just rare that I meet the "perfect" man strictly from a physical standpoint and even in the rare case that someone who is like my ultimate fantasy shows up, I'm still not going to have relations immediately. I find random sex to be nasty. Sorry, it's just how I see it. I can't imagine getting intimate with a complete stranger.

So when I meet a fellow who I think has the potential to be something more than just an acquaintance or even a friend,meaning, I like his style, his personality seems cool, yes he is attractive, and dammit yes his body of off the hook! I want to know if everything I think about him is true. I want to see if we can be friends before I move into a physical relationship with him. I don't think this is strange, but I am getting major resistance from grown men who claim to be ready to have "real" relationships and not just hook ups/jump offs/ etc..

So why does my behavior seem to be so strange to them? Call me crazy, but I think it is obvious that sex complicates things. It can overshadow the opportunity to create a real friendship b/c rather than spending time creating a true relationship, you often spend a lot of time having sex. Sex is good, I like it, it's lots of fun, but I know at that it takes more than a physical connection to create a relationship.

I would like to where my other grown ups weigh in on this topic. When you are looking for a serious relationship, do you hold off on physical intimacy or does it matter? If you do wait, how long does it take before you do the do? Do you need to be friends first if you want to be more than just lovers?

Being Happy

I wrapping up my latest read, A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose by Ekhart Tolle (AKA the Oprah Book) and it has me thinking. This is a good thing. I like things that make me think, and get me wondering about how I am approaching this thing we call life. While the book is not thick, it is quite dense and it is taking me a while to get through it all. On the one hand it's simple, but at the same time quite complicated.

It talks about happiness as a simple choice, but it just doesn't seem that easy to me. Today the last thing that had me stop to contemplate was this passage.

"Nonresistance, non-judgement, and non-attachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living." pg. 225

I get it theoretically, but what I am struggling with is how you can passionate about something yet be unattached? I just finished a personal development workshop where we focused on the concept of commitment vs. attachment and I am still struggling to find that balance.

I guess my question is this, if true happiness is being at peace and the key to peace is non-resistance, non-judgment, and non-attachment and its very difficult to live by these three tenets, does that mean it is difficult to be happy?